The Seer's Diary
by Crystallic Rain
Summary: 1977—Suddenly Lily Evans's world is turned upside-down when she comes across an old journal with a strange connection to the school's past, and stories of the future that just can't be true.
1. Chapter One: An End

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter One: An End**

**Notes:** Hello, and welcome to my newest story! I really hope you enjoy. ;D

And thank you to Tangerine on MNI for beta reading for me! 3

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"Lily?"

She looked up from the morning's copy of _the Daily Prophet_ which she'd been reading half-heartedly. On the page she had been skimming was a picture of a noble-looking man with greying hair, half-smiling and waving regally. Lily was frowning at the photograph because it seemed so unreal, topping some ludicrous article about the Minister for Magic and how well the war against Voldemort was going—not that they really admitted they were in fact in a state of war. She was certain that the only reason people believed that it _was_ all going well was that the Ministry constantly withheld information about the war they were supposedly not in. They were keeping the mass murders and Azkaban breakouts she only heard rumours about all a secret. It was ridiculous what they were doing, not to mention completely, undeniably wrong.

Lily smiled as she saw a girl approaching her from the door of the dormitory. "Yeah, Mary?"

The girl had her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and her school robes still on. It was obvious she was coming to their room for the first time during the evening. She bit her lip, beginning with caution. "Well—er—" Mary paused, sighing. "I don't know how to make it sound more pleasant, so I'll just get on with it. Snape is outside the portrait hole and wants to talk to you. He says that he's going to sleep there unless you come out and see him."

Lily's face contorted as though there was an overwhelmingly sour taste on her tongue. She'd seen this coming, but it didn't exactly make the prospect of speaking to him any more enjoyable. She knew that Snape would come back to her, to try to say something, but it didn't make any difference to her. "Rotten git." She slapped the newspaper on top of her bed, the Minister still looking up at her indifferently.

"You don't have to go out there," Mary told her hesitantly, but Lily immediately shook her head.

"But I do," she muttered quietly. She knew she had to do it, no matter how much she didn't want to. She wouldn't stand by and let him torture her in this way, wouldn't let him insult her without making a single protest. "Can't have him sleeping there..."

Lily slowly pulled her dressing gown over her shorts and t-shirt. Despite how warm it was in and outside the castle, she felt slightly exposed in her pyjamas. She sighed, leaving the dormitory and walking down the stairs into the empty common room. It was late, she knew, and she didn't like the idea of getting in trouble for being out in the hall, losing points for Gryffindor and possibly serving a detention miserably with him. She hoped that he would make it quick so Filch wouldn't catch them.

She pushed against the portrait hole and it opened, revealing Severus nervously pacing in front of it. He jumped slightly as the door opened, glancing up at her with wide black eyes, his lips slightly parted.

"Lily—" he gasped, rushing towards her.

She raised her eyebrows coldly at him, folding her arms angrily across her chest. "Come to reiterate the fact that you no longer give a damn about me, Sev?"

He gazed down at the floor, unable to look at her that moment. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested," she spat, staring at him.

He looked back up at her, rubbing his elbow awkwardly. "I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath," she snapped back, glaring at him through emerald eyes. She watched as he opened his mouth and quickly shut it again, which only made her angrier. He was fumbling probably just to apologise again, which she couldn't take. Why couldn't he see that no matter how many times he said that he was sorry, it wouldn't change what he'd done? "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here," she finally told him, making sure he knew that there was no other reason she would want to see him after what had happened by the lake earlier in the afternoon.

"I was," he said quickly, taking the chance to speak freely, attempting to explain himself. "I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—"

"Slipped out?" Lily inquired coldly. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years," she said with a cool laugh that made him shiver slightly. "None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends—you see, you don't even deny it!" She took a deep breath, trying to steady her head, which was spinning. It didn't feel real, to think that her best friend in the world was actually siding with Voldemort. After all they had been through, Severus was choosing him over her. It _couldn't_ be real. "You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Silence rang through the corridor. Again he seemed to be on the verge of speaking but didn't say anything. She wanted more than anything for him to say that it wasn't true, that he was still her friend, that he didn't care about Voldemort or the Dark Arts at all. She wanted it to be just the two of them again, back when they were little and they ran down to the stream near his house, picking wildflowers as he told her all about Hogwarts and the Magical world. It had all sounded so good to her then. It sounded like the entire idea was so pure and innocent, but now she saw that even magic was tainted with evil wizards and dark spells, and there was nothing she could do to go back to the days when it wasn't.

She shook her head after a few moments when he still said nothing. "I can't pretend any more," she said in a pitiless voice. "You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

He reached out to her but she took a step back, and he dropped his hand back to his side. His black eyes were pleading. "No—listen, I didn't mean—"

"—to call me Mudblood?" she laughed coldly, glaring at him. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He opened his mouth, about to say something, but she turned her back on him and quickly clambered back through the way from which she had come.

The portrait hole slammed shut behind her, and she slipped her dressing gown off her shoulders, carelessly throwing it across the back of the sofa in the common room. Anger was boiling inside her veins as she thought of the exchange which had happened just moments ago as she fiercely brushed her messy red braid over her shoulder. She let out a shout of frustration, swiping at the top of a decorative table next to an arm chair. This sent the vase sitting on it toppling to the floor, shattering on the hardwood panelling with a horrible-sounding crash she hoped none of her sleeping housemates had heard.

"Oi, Evans!" came a voice from the stairs. Her head jerked up reflexively and she noticed James Potter, standing in confusion. He descended the stairs cautiously, his eyes locked on the mess of fresh flowers and shards of glass on the floor. "What the hell's going on?"

"None of your business, Potter," she spat, folding her arms reproachfully. "Get back to bed."

He was in his pyjamas, just as she was, and on his nose were perched thick round glasses, behind which his hazel eyes were now surveying her. She wished he wouldn't because she thought that he might know more than he was letting on, that he could see in every one of her features how hurt she was. She angled her face away from him to obscure his view of her, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment and licking her lips. She felt the familiar prickling sensation in the back of her eyes when she opened them again, furiously trying to blink back tears. She refused to cry, not there. Not in front of Potter.

"Lily," he suddenly said, using her first name upon recognising her distress, reaching his hand out slowly to her. He looked concerned but she ignored it—she was feeling vulnerable and wasn't about to let him notice that she did in fact need somebody at the moment.

"Don't touch me," she snapped, pushing his arm away. She walked past him, staring at the fire. If she looked at the flames and concentrated on them hard and long enough, she wouldn't think about Severus, she convinced herself. She could just watch the flames licking the stones of the fireplace, the wood curling into ashes before her eyes. She didn't want to think about how much he had hurt her. She didn't want to think of how her heart was aching at that precise moment because he had once promised that it didn't matter if she was a Muggle-born because she had plenty of magic in her, and they were friends—_best_ friends.

It proved to be a fruitless endeavour, however, because almost immediately she was reminded of him. She shut her eyes and two tears seeped out of the corners, feeling cool as they rolled over her warm, rosy cheeks. No, she thought desperately, she couldn't do this, not then, not there, not with _him_ standing so close... She willed herself to stop immediately.

Suddenly she felt James's hand on her cheek, brushing her tears away. Unconsciously she leaned into his touch, feeling the warm comfort of his palm as his hand lingered on her cheek, his fingers in the hair which was falling out of the messy plait down her back. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks which he would quickly wipe away. She wanted to remain there for as long as humanly possible, feeling so safe and calm. However, remembering after a moment who it was that was touching her so comfortingly, she withdrew. She turned away from him and hugged herself awkwardly, her hands clutching her elbows so tightly that her knuckles were as white as snow. She took in a very shaky breath, screwing up her face in a strained effort not to cry.

Almost immediately she sensed him approaching her once more. Sure enough, he moved toward her, wrapping his arms around her and stroking her hair.

At first, she fought violently against his body. She cursed him and beat his chest as she struggled and squirmed in vain to remove herself from his grasp. "Don't _touch_ me, Potter!" she told him angrily, trying to push him away, but his arms tightened around her, clutching her to him closely and comfortingly. "Keep your filthy hands off of me!"

"No," he told her forcefully, grunting slightly in an effort to keep her. "Look, Evans—_Lily_," he went on in the same firm tone of voice, still holding her tightly, "I know you hate me, and that's just fine. Hell, I deserve it after what I did today, but... I'm not stupid. You're upset, and I'm not going to leave you alone right now to—to break more flower vases or—or something worse."

His words surprised her, her pounding against his chest slowing and she suddenly found herself openly sobbing into his t-shirt as he rubbed her back awkwardly. She cursed herself for it, feeling so weak in front of one of the people she despised most, but she couldn't prevent the inevitable tears any more. She trembled violently and her knees buckled, her legs crumpling beneath her, James keeping her as steady as he could. After a few moments he gave up supporting her, the two gently falling to their knees, onto the rug beneath them.

"Shh, Lily," he cooed softly in her ear, his hot breath tickling her skin as he did, "it's all right..."

She grabbed fistfuls of the back of his shirt, pulling him even closer to her. She felt their bare legs brush against each other, both clad only in shorts on that hot summer night. It wasn't all right, she knew, but couldn't force herself to speak and tell him any differently. But she knew that she wasn't supposed to be so angry with Severus. She wasn't supposed to hurt so much because of him. She wasn't supposed to be feeling so completely weak. She wasn't supposed to to be sitting on the common room floor, sobbing into James Potter's chest.

It felt like some strange, parallel universe to her; it couldn't possibly be real. She was half-sure, or maybe just hoping, that she had stayed up studying for the Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. too long and was really out cold on one of her textbooks. Certainly at any moment she'd wake up with her face slightly stuck to one of the pages of a massive tome with sore eyes and a headache—crying to James Potter was just some peculiar dream she'd wake up from any moment. It wasn't actually happening.

The seconds wore on, however, quickly turning into minutes, and nothing changed. This was in fact her reality, she realised, and the tears subsequently came harder and faster.

Finally, her tears seemed to subside as she cried herself out and James gently tried to pull himself away from her.

"Please don't go," she pleaded breathlessly. She felt so childish doing so, part of her unsure what had made herself say it in the first place.

He looked down at her sadly as she still clung hopelessly to his shirt. She could tell that he was also certain it wasn't really him that she wanted, but just the company.

"Just going to get you a handkerchief from my trunk," he told her softly, delicately. He reluctantly left her sniffling on the floor to quickly run to his dormitory. She stared blurrily around the common room as she waited. She felt so completely strange, almost like she could reach out to the crackling fire and it wouldn't burn her hand, or if she walked across the room she would go straight through the furniture instead of colliding painfully with it. The sad truth, however, continued to wash over her, constantly reminding her that it was all real. James finally returned, and she took the handkerchief from him graciously, dabbing at her tender eyes which burned from crying for such a long time. Her face felt warm and she was sure that she was rather red, but she wasn't too concerned, her mind on more than her appearance in the dimly lit common room, so late at night.

"I'm sorry about today," James muttered, gazing at her with a mixture of sadness and guilt. She looked up at him, watching the flickering shadows the fire was casting upon his face, the flames reflecting in his hazel eyes and glinting off his glasses. "I shouldn't have done that to Sniv—to Snape."

She looked down at the floor, unable to keep his gaze any longer because of the sudden stinging in her heart and painful pounding in her forehead. She swallowed hard, breathing shakily. "Don't."

"What?" he asked her, completely nonplussed.

"Don't apologise," she said firmly in a strange sort of strangled croak, attempting the same tone he'd used when he'd spoken so calmly to her earlier. "Please, don't."

He stared at her for a moment, trying to make sense of what she was saying. "But—"

"I don't forgive you for it, Potter," she told him quietly, staring at a lose thread on the carpet, coiling it around her finger absent-mindedly, "but I certainly can't forgive him, either." He was quiet for a moment, and she suddenly blurted out, "I shouldn't have been so rude to you for defending me." The thread snapped, leaving a minuscule hole in the rug.

"You had every right," James assured her kindly, rubbing his arm guiltily. "I was being a downright prat."

"Yeah, you were," she agreed, giving him a watery smile as she balled the thread from the carpet up between her thumb and forefinger, flicking it and watching it bounce beneath the sofa. She looked up at him and could see how relieved he was at the prospect of her returning to her normal self, as sarcastic and hateful she might be.

He sighed dramatically. "You wound me, Evans."

She laughed softly, now hugging her knees to her chest, pointing her socked feet in toward each other, resting one set of toes on top of the other. "I feel a little guilty," she murmured off-handedly, closing her eyes for a second or two. "He tried to apologise, but I wouldn't listen."

"Is that why you were so upset?" he asked her delicately.

She nodded, unsure why she was suddenly telling him all this. "He was threatening to sleep outside the portrait. He... he said he didn't mean it, calling me what he did, but it doesn't matter. I shouldn't be any different from the other Muggle-borns he insults and tortures with all his Death Eater friends." She looked up at James sadly. "I tried so hard for so long. I always defended him to everyone else when they tried to warn me how bad he really was. I just couldn't see it. He was my best friend and I loved him like he was my brother, but now..." she trailed off. Her voice dropped, sounding close to tears again. "He doesn't really care about me any more, that's obvious. I'm just like every other Muggle-born to him."

"You're not any different from any Pureblood or Half-Blood, either," James told her, righteous anger ringing throughout his words. "All this nonsense about blood has gotten out of hand over the past few years—good blood and bad blood, clean blood and dirty blood... You're just as much of a witch as any Pureblood out there, if not more." He hesitated for a moment, shyly reaching his hand out to her cheek again, stroking it cautiously with his thumb. "Don't let anyone tell you any different."

He quickly withdrew his hand, his cheeks burning scarlet in the firelight as he looked at the rug, biting his lip. She'd never seen him like this, so sweet and easily embarrassed as he reached out and tried to help her. It was strange, so peculiar to see him acting this differently. Perhaps he'd always been that way somewhere deep down only she'd never taken the time to notice, or maybe he'd never taken the time to show her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, suddenly feeling just as sheepish as he was acting. She tried to shake the sensation off, remembering that this _was_ James Potter, after all.

"Your cheek," she said, suddenly remembering the spell Severus had cast earlier. She looked carefully at James, noticing the cut, hidden slightly by his hair. "You didn't go to Madam Pomphrey?"

He shook his head and shrugged. "She would have asked questions and he would've gotten into a heap of trouble. It wasn't worth it."

"Thank you," she said softly.

He looked up and smiled at her. Without notice, he stood up, offering her his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet with ease. "I suppose we ought to get to bed, now," he said, yawning and stretching, then glancing casually at his shining wristwatch, stars ticking around Roman numerals. "Merlin, it's late," he mumbled to himself.

She smiled graciously at him, nodding in agreement, taking her wand from her dressing gown pocket and quickly repairing the vase which she had broken earlier. It soared back onto the table, flowers and all, and she admired it for a brief second. Her robe in her arms, she looked back at James, taking him in for a moment before making any movement. She half wanted to say something else. She wanted to thank him properly, but she felt exhausted, emotionally and physically, unable to think of a single thing to say. Maybe on some other day she'd be able to do something more to thank him.

She tried offering the handkerchief back to him, but he simply shook his head and said, "Keep it."

She smiled, nodding.

"G'night, Potter," she said at last, waving her hand and walking past him. Finally, she went up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. She felt so tired and couldn't wait to just curl up in her bed, underneath her scarlet blankets and sleep away all the hurt she continued to feel. After all, it was an end to her most treasured friendship; somehow, though, it had also brought about an end to the hatred she felt toward James. There was still so much that she despised about him and the way he acted, so many things she wished he wouldn't do, so many things she wished he wouldn't say; that didn't change. However, something... perhaps his persistence against her violent struggling, or the fight to calm her down and comfort her, tugged lightly at her heart. It felt like something completely different from the pain she'd been wallowing in earlier. Certainly James wasn't as bad as she had always convinced herself, after all. He'd shown her that by acting so kindly in her time of most desperate need. One day she hoped she'd be able to tell him more properly how much his comfort that night had meant to her.

"Good night, Evans," she heard him mutter quietly in her wake.


	2. Chapter Two: Letters

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Two: Letters**

**Notes:** Here you go! Sorry for the wait, moving in is tough. Dx

And thank you again to Tangerine on MNI for beta reading for me! ;D

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"Lily!"

Lily sat bolt upright in her bed, her jaw sore and her throat dry; she figured she must have slept with her mouth open. It was a habit she fell into whenever she was asleep for considerably long periods of time. There was a loud rapping on her bedroom door which made her head pound. She flopped over onto her stomach, burying her face in her pillow, wishing the knocking would stop.

After a moment, however, it did not, and it was once again accompanied by a screech of, "_Lily!_"

"What?" she shouted angrily as she moved onto her back again, resting her arm over her eyes to block out the sunlight which was filtering through her window. It couldn't be past nine o'clock in the morning and she was exhausted after a long day of traveling. She was hoping that her first day home for the summer would be restful, not one which involved her sister's screaming and pounding on the door so early in the morning.

"Mother wants you down for breakfast in ten minutes!" she replied in a similarly annoyed tone.

Lily didn't respond, listening for Petunia's footsteps to disappear down the hallway, echoing as she made her way downstairs. At that moment, Lily stretched, blinking at the ceiling, sunlight dancing across the pale paint. It seemed to take ages for her eyes to finally adjust to the bright light and she slowly sat up, swinging her legs over the side of her bed. She took the elastic out of her hair, shaking out the ponytail, letting scarlet waves fall around her shoulders and down her chest and back. She stretched again as she padded across the hardwood floors to the vanity, picking up her hairbrush and combing through her hair as she stared sourly into the glistening mirror.

As she became more awake, she suddenly remembered that she'd dreamt about James the night before. She slowly placed the brush back onto the table, feeling the painted wood beneath her fingertips. It was about the day that everything had changed between them, she remembered, the details of the dream flooding her. She frowned slightly; she didn't like to think about that day, so she couldn't understand why she'd been dreaming of it.

The after-effects of that day, she mused, had been much more enjoyable. Dozens and dozens of letters from James, written the previous summer, still littered her desk. By some strange sort of miracle, these letters led to a friendship between the two. A few of the notes were stored safely inside her trunk, special ones which she occasionally reread when things were tough; they'd always warm her heart instantly and take her to a place far from her sister, far from Sev, and far from the war.

A smile curled on her lips as she thought of one memorable day during the summer before when her mother had knocked on her bedroom door, telling her with a broad grin that "a nice-sounding young man" was on the telephone. She had been thoroughly confused at first, wondering who would be calling her. She only had ever spoken to Severus and Dorcas on the phone, the latter of which only had a telephone because she lived in a settlement mixed with Muggles and her parents thought it might seem a little suspicious to disconnect it, especially if their Muggle neighbours needed to contact them. She would have thought that Severus was calling her but it didn't make sense; her mother had met him several times and would have given his name.

She hesitantly put the receiver to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Evans," came the unmistakable voice of James Potter on the other end.

Lily laughed silently at his greeting. "I didn't know you owned a phone, Potter. I thought most Pureblood families were above that sort of thing."

"I find that offensive," he responded dramatically. "It's only families like Sirius's that think they are, or else the ones removed far from Muggles who don't need them."

"I apologise," Lily replied, continuing to laugh. The conversation lasted for at least an hour as the two chatted about anything and everything that came to mind. Unfortunately there soon came the familiar pounding on Lily's door, accompanied by her sister's screaming to get off the phone as she was expecting a call from Vernon.

Lily heard the front door close, a car pulling out of the driveway a minute later, shaking her back to reality. She sighed, deciding that she could think on her dream and past summers later in the day as her mother was still waiting for her downstairs. She tiredly closed her hand around the cold brass doorknob and ambled down the steps, into the kitchen.

The smell of breakfast pleasantly met her nostrils. She loved her mother's cooking, and she suddenly felt her stomach rumbling painfully. She hadn't realised how hungry she was, skipping dinner the night before to go straight to bed, but it hit her then. She took a seat at the small table, usually used when her father drank his coffee and read the newspaper on Sunday mornings while her mother bustled around making brunch.

Lily's mother turned, smiling warmly at her, her red curls put up in a clip on the back of her head in an effort to keep her hair off her neck. "I made you breakfast," she told Lily cheerfully, setting a plate in front of her before turning back to the refrigerator, pouring her a tall glass of cold milk. "Your favourite," her mother added as Lily looked hungrily at her plate. "An omelette with toast."

Lily looked graciously up at her mother. "Thanks Mum," she said, picking up her fork and cutting into the eggs. She quickly blew on it, watching the steam curl because of the heat, probably just removed from the stove.

"It wasn't a problem," her mother responded, taking a seat across from her with a cup of tea. "I never got to ask you how the train ride was yesterday."

Lily chewed the bite of omelette with care (to help visualise the care she took to avoid burning her mouth to make sure she didn't burn her mouth, savouring every second of eggs, cheese, and fresh veggies. "It was all right," she said after swallowing. "Nothing really exciting happened, I just patrolled with Remus for a bit and then I sat around with Dorcas. She wants me to come over quite a bit this summer."

"That ought to be fun," her mother replied happily, sipping her hot tea cautiously before setting the cup down on its saucer again.

Lily nodded, tearing apart her toast, stuffing a corner into her mouth and chewing slowly. "I thought so. I've never gotten the chance to see her house, since she's always come over here."

"And how did your test go?" she asked Lily casually. "Your App—Appar—"

"_Apparition_," Lily articulated for her as carefully as she could, grinning broadly. "I passed. The wizard in charge said I did really well, actually."

"You should be proud," her mother smiled. "I know I am, and your father will be, as well."

Lily blushed slightly as she took another bite of egg. "Is Dad at work already?" she asked, picking up her glass of milk, pressing it to her lips and drinking slowly.

Her mother nodded. "Yes, he left over an hour ago, and your sister just went out to spend the day with Vernon before you came down." She smiled warmly at her daughter, picking up her tea cup and raising it to her lips. "It's just the two of us, right now."

Lily smiled, continuing to munch happily on her breakfast. She certainly enjoyed the House Elves' cooking at Hogwarts, but she couldn't deny how much she loved her mother's, made carefully with love and always specifically for her.

"How have you been?" Lily asked after a minute or so in a small effort to stimulate the conversation once again.

Lily stared at her mother as she slowly set her tea cup back onto the table, breathing in deeply. "Okay," she said cautiously, staring at the lace of the tablecloth. There was a long pause which seemed to hurt Lily's ears in the way that the silence hung painfully in the air. "That's actually something I wanted to talk to you about ."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, her forkful of egg paused between her plate and mouth. She didn't like the tone of her mother's voice, how serious everything had suddenly become within just a few seconds. "What's going on?"

The eyes which Lily had inherited stared sadly at her now, both hands still clutching her tea. "I'm sick," she said softly.

"Well what is it?" Lily demanded, placing her fork on her plate. "What did the doctors say?"

Her mother shook her head, smiling grimly. "They can't cure it, Lily," she told her. "I'm not going to bore you with the technical details that I don't even understand, but from what they said, even if they tried, it wouldn't buy me much time. It would come back, and quickly, too."

Suddenly Lily felt her eyes fill with tears, slightly angered by what she felt was a lack of trying on her mother's part. "But even if it's just a few months—"

Again her mother shook her head. "I only have a few months as it is, love," she said softly. "I'd rather spend what time I do have at home instead of in some hospital bed. I want to be with my husband and my two beautiful daughters." She gently reached her hand out and patted Lily's.

"So Dad and Petunia know?" she asked in a tiny voice. Her chest felt as though it had suddenly shrunk five sizes, her ribs painfully constricting her lungs, her breathing reduced to gasps. Her mother was always so strong, always so ready to fight, and now she appeared to be giving up, her life about to be easily taken by some illness.

Again her mother nodded. "Tuney's actually moving her wedding with Vernon to August, and they're going to have it here."

Lily blinked. "I thought it was going to be next April in the cathedral," she said.

"It was," her mother admitted, "but I want to see my little girl get married before I die."

The words bit Lily, prickling her skin. "How long do you have?" she asked in a whisper, as though speaking the question any louder would make it more real.

"I should have until February," her mother replied softly, her voice sounding constricted as she looked away from her daughter. "That's what the doctors told me, anyway."

Lily nodded, staring down at her plate of half-eaten breakfast. Suddenly she didn't feel hungry, her appetite off in some far and distant land, leaving her to feel sick to her stomach.

"Don't think on it," her mother sighed, standing up to hide her tears. "You should be excited—there's a wedding to plan."

Lily paused, wondering how to gently tell her mother that she doubted her sickness changed the dislike between her two daughters, but couldn't think of a very tactful way to put it. "I don't really think that Tuney will want me helping with her special day," she said bluntly.

"Nonsense," her mother snapped. "She wants you as a bridesmaid."

"She—what?" Lily stammered, bemused.

"It's true," her mother said, filling the sink with hot water and soap, moving pans and dishes into the foamy concoction. "In fact, she was looking at this beautiful green dress for her bridesmaids that would look absolutely gorgeous on you. It would bring out your eyes."

Lily picked up her fork again, stabbing at her food. She somehow doubted very much that Petunia actually wanted her as a bridesmaid and that it was all the result of some convincing (and possible guilt-tripping) on her mother's part. She wasn't sure if it made her feel better or worse to know that she was actually going to get the chance to be a part of the wedding. While she still loved her sister and wanted to help her on a day so important to her, she didn't like the idea that the only way she reason she could do so was that her mother was dying.

Lily slowly picked herself up from the table, walking through the kitchen to peck her mother's cheek. "I'm going to get a shower," she mumbled and her mother nodded, still staring down at the dishes she was scrubbing, something Lily knew was to calm herself. She quickly climbed up the stairs, grabbing a towel from the hall closet and locking herself in the bathroom with a tiny click.

Tears began pouring down her cheeks and she grabbed a hand mirror off of the counter, throwing it to the floor with as much force as she could muster. The glass shattered into a thousand pieces on the tiles, one of the shards becoming painfully lodged in her heel when she moved a little too quickly.

There was a careful knock on the door. "Are you all right, sweetheart?" came the soft voice of her mother.

Wincing from pain, Lily pulled the piece of glass from her foot, carefully sweeping up the rest of the mess into her hands and dumping it into the waste basket. It was probably Petunia's mirror, knowing her luck. That was what she needed—another stupid, petty reason for her sister to hate her.

"Fine," she called back as steadily as she could. "I just dropped a mirror."

"All right," her mother responded warily. "Be careful." Her footsteps disappeared down the hallway.

Lily picked herself off of the floor, turning on the hot tap in the shower. She quickly climbed in, letting the scalding water burn her skin. Ten minutes later, Lily crossed the hall into her bedroom, holding her towel close to her body. She opened her closet and stared at herself in the full-length mirror hanging on the back of the door. Her eyes were red from crying and there were dark circles under them from exhaustion. She sighed. She knew a charm (which Alice had told her) to get rid of the bags and she would give it a try if she felt like attempting something new. She ran a hand through her sopping wet hair, drops of water falling on the floor. She let her towel slide off, quickly changing. She toweled her hair dry a bit before braiding her slightly damp locks into two pigtails, tossing her towel into the hamper in the corner.

Lily settled herself on her bed, withdrawing a small stack of letters from her trunk. She rifled through them, some addressed to her in her parents' handwriting, a couple clearly written by Severus, several in Dorcas's hand, and few others in a sort of scribble. She withdrew one of the letters written with the messier penmanship, carefully unfolding the paper, completely worn as though it had been unfolded and refolded many times.

Immediately her eyes fell to her favourite line: _Don't think on it, Evans. You're one of the strongest people I know and you can easily make it through whatever life throws your way._ She smiled sadly to herself. Surely she could make it through; she _had_ to make it through.

Before she could do anything else, there was a small _tap, tap, tap_ on her window. She quickly turned around, noticing two owls sitting on her sill. She smiled warmly at them, quickly opening her window to let them enter. Rushing over to her trunk, she quickly extracted a small bag of money, pulling out a coin for the larger of the two owls, placing it in the tiny leather pouch around its foot. The bird quickly took off, leaving the newspaper it had been carrying behind.[/color].

The smaller owl had settled itself on Lily's desk as though it was quite used to this routine. Lily gently stroked the owl, pulling out a few treats for it from her desk. She then picked up the letter the owl had dropped on top of her other papers.

_Hey Evans,_ was written as a greeting on top of the page in familiar untidy scrawl.

_I hope you're doing well, or at least that your sister hasn't tried to lock you in the closet again. (It was hard enough for me to believe that story taking place when you were ten, let alone last year—I swear she's more than a little mad. And you say she's getting married in the spring?) It's only really your first day home so I'd like to think things can't be going that bad already._

_Things are going all right here. Sirius is starting to look into getting his own flat now, thanks to the money his uncle gave him, so I anticipate much mischief occurring there whenever this is managed. He's taking me to look at a place in London today, actually. Personally I can't wait until he moves out. __Okay, not really, he's like a brother, but he needs to stop snoring so bloody loud. I was so close to hexing him last night. Now that I think about it, I probably would have been a good idea to use a silencing charm on him... Thanks for the idea—even when you're not here you're completely brilliant and solving all my problems._

_Tell me if you have any thrilling plans for this summer. Maybe we could meet up in Diagon Alley later during the holidays, yeah?_

_James_

_P.S. I swear that Davin is starting to like you better than he likes me. He was so excited when I told him where he was going. If you keep feeding him owl treats and your leftover carrots, he might never come back to me. Then you'll owe me galleons for stealing my owl, Evans._

Lily smiled at the parchment in her hands, still stroking Davin's dark feathers absent-mindedly. She quickly walked back to her trunk, withdrawing her parchment, a bottle of ink, and a quill, placing the lot on top of her desk. She hurriedly dipped the feather into the dark ink, poising it over the parchment and writing hastily.

_Potter._ She paused, glancing back at the letter for direction as to what to write next. She bit her bottom lip, thinking. She definitely didn't want to mention the details about her ill mother, but she could hardly say that she was having a fantastic holiday. She put her quill back to the paper, trying to figure out what she could say without inducing worry.

_My summer could be going better. I suppose I got some surprising news that I don't feel quite like writing about right now. However, related to that, I was told my sister's wedding was moved. Apparently it's in just a month or so, and I'm actually expected to be a bridesmaid this time. Funny, considering that one of the reasons she'd chosen to do it next April was that I wouldn't be around. I suspect my mother convinced her._

_I hope you have fun on your adventure with Black today, and I hope he finds a place. Having him constantly snoring in your bedroom doesn't sound like much fun. Don't let her know that I told you this, but sometimes Mary Macdonald snores in the girls' dormitory. I swear, she sounds like a dying animal. It's horrible. Dorcas and I use silencing charms on her all the time, now that we know how. It was such a pain in earlier years when we couldn't do anything about it._

_What kind of house-warming gift are you supposed to get a wizard, anyway? With Muggles it's things like toasters and microwaves and blenders. I don't get it, really, but Petunia was talking about it on the way home from King's Cross yesterday, going on about the things she and her fiancée will be needing. What does a wizard need? A new cauldron, or perhaps a fresh supply of Floo Powder? Hell, I don't even know why I'm asking. I'm not going to get Black anything, anyway, unless I stop at the drug store and see a Muggle magazine about motorcycles. That's not exactly a house-warming gift, though._

_Other than the wedding, my summer ought to be uneventful. Dorcas promised to have me over eventually, but who knows when that will happen. The sooner, the better, in my opinion._

She paused, half-wanting to mention the dream she'd had involving the end of their fifth year, but thought better of it. There was no point in telling him, really. It didn't matter.

_Lily_

_P.S. I can't help it if Davin likes me better than he likes you. And my mum didn't make any carrots last night, so he only gets owl treats today. He can try again at supper, of course._

She smiled at the letter, double-checking for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, an old habit of hers partially induced by her mother. After determining that the message was satisfactory, she folded it up and stuffed it into an envelope and giving it to Davin to clamp in his beak. He affectionately nipped at her finger as he did so.

"You know what to do, yeah?" she smiled at the bird and he immediately took off, flying through her open window. She watched for a moment as he left before finally crossing her room and closing the window. She settled herself back on her bed with nothing left to do but wait.


	3. Chapter Three: A Change of Mind

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Three: A Change of Mind  
**

**Notes:** So because of issues on Mugglenet Interactive, I haven't been able to do this before. I still can't post on there, but.. no more wait for you guys. :D

* * *

It disappointed Lily that James didn't reply to her letter the entire afternoon. She'd spent most of the day in her bedroom brooding about the summer which she wasn't looking forward to, hoping to receive an owl. Instead she remained alone in her room, staring at the ceiling and thinking about anything that came to mind.

After a few hours, Lily pulled herself off her bed, walked across the room to her desk, and rifled through the stack of books on top. Every Shakespeare play sitting there she had read at least five times, seeing several of them with her family at the theatre. All the same, she wasn't much in the mood for Shakespeare, especially any of his tales of perfect love. She smiled at her copy of _A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man_, but her stomach gave a funny sort of lurch when her eyes ran over the name of the author, only thinking of James Potter instead of James Joyce. She shook her head, sighing, finding instead an old copy of _Peter Pan_. She wasn't sure when she'd read it last; it felt like ages since she'd it, only remembering the basic plot and none of the real details. She knew it was a story about a boy who never wanted to grow up—just like James and his friends, she reminded herself, also setting the book aside.

There was a slow _creak_ as her door was pushed slightly open, a soft grey kitten stalking into the room. It mewed as it reached Lily, weaving between her feet.

"Hey Puck," she smiled, crossing the room with the cat following her. She took a seat and he leapt gracefully onto her lap, purring as Lily scratched under his chin. "How are you, huh?" He meowed again in reply, and Lily let out a breath. "Yeah, that's about how I feel, too."

She laid back, the tiny cat curling up on her stomach, still purring loudly and feeling comfortingly warm on her. Lily stared at the light dancing across the ceiling, her mind many kilometres away with James. She wondered where he was at that moment, probably looking at a flat with Sirius. She wondered if he was thinking about her at all, possibly making some joke about finally winning her over this year or staring out over the city, wishing she could be seeing the view with him. She smiled fleetingly, thinking of seeing a twilit London with bright street lamps and buildings from a top floor apartment, James's arms possessively around her waist.

No, she quickly reminded herself, she didn't fancy James. He had become her sort of brother, much like Severus had always been when she was younger. She couldn't really imagine ever being with James, of kissing him sweetly and passionately—and when the thought did somehow cross her mind, she certainly didn't enjoy the idea. Even if her feelings of disgust and hatred toward him were a thing of the past, feelings of anything above friendship were too much to fathom. When it got down to it, he would always be the same James Potter, and it didn't matter how undeniably adorable it was when he ruffled his hair, or how amusingly attractive his confident smirk was. She couldn't possibly ever think of him as anything more than her best friend.

Or one of her best friends, at least. Dorcas Meadowes would always be considered her absolute best friend, ever since she and Sev had their falling out. They'd met in First Year, primarily because they'd both been invited to Slughorn's first dinner of the year. At first, Lily wasn't sure why Dorcas was a part of the Slug Club. She seemed to be so quiet and well-mannered, whereas the other members were so confident and determined to impress Slughorn. There was Edgar Bones, for instance, a Fourth Year at the time. He was an incredibly handsome Hufflepuff who Slughorn really seemed to take to because of his shining personality, in addition to his magical talent and top grades. He seemed to always be talking at the dinners, not that Lily minded; as an eleven-year-old witch who had been raised by Muggles, she didn't want to draw much attention to herself so quickly. She wasn't even sure why she had been selected to be in his little group, and constantly thought on it.

One night, as Lily and Dorcas readied themselves for bed after one of Slughorn's dinners, Lily had finally been the one to speak first. "Do you know why it is that _you're_ being invited to Slughorn's dinners?" she asked. "I can't figure out why he wants _me_ there."

Dorcas smiled, pulling her dark-blond hair into two braids. "I imagine you're there because of how well you did in Potions that first day, and for someone who's never been around magic much, too," she said warmly in a soft voice that Lily felt captivated by. "As for me, it was probably because I hexed a nasty-looking Fifth Year who was giving me a hard time. He said he'd never seen anything like it from a First Year."

"How did you do it?" Lily asked. "We haven't learned anything yet other than how to levitate."

"I suppose I learned from my dad," she laughed. "He told me a few incantations before I came, to make sure nobody ever got the chance to be mean to me or anything. Made my mum a bit upset to know he'd been teaching his eleven-year-old how to jinx people before she'd even gotten to school."

Lily laughed along with her as they each got into their beds next to each other, chatting eagerly for hours until they both fell asleep at long last.

It was almost funny to think that they had become friends so easily, but it seemed natural. They were so close, years later, and Lily couldn't imagine their friendship any other way. Dorcas had always been the one to stand by Lily, even when she was so close to Severus. Although Dorcas didn't like him, she didn't let that get in the way of her own friendship with Lily, simply biting her tongue when he was near and smiling politely.

Now, as Lily laid on her bed, she couldn't image life without Dorcas. She was her best friend, her other half. To her, Dorcas was like her favourite jumper. Certainly life was liveable without it, but she most definitely didn't want to experience such a life. Even though her favourite emerald jumper was wearing thin, she wore it on the hottest summer days because of its amazing comfort. She'd been through thick and thin with that loose-fitting sweater and hoped to spend many more days with it in her trunk, ready for her to wear whenever she needed. Similarly, she knew that Dorcas would always be there for her, ready to comfort her and talk to her and listen to her whenever the moment came.

A sudden noise from outside startled Lily, and it was then that she realised she must have dozed off. The sky was suddenly darker, Puck fast asleep at the foot of her bed instead of her stomach. Lily blinked furiously, listening closely as a car door slammed outside before pulling out of the driveway and the front door opening. She heard her sister faintly call out, announcing to her mother that she was finally home.

Lily stretched and slid off of her bed, stumbling over to her desk. She shifted her books and a few papers, revealing the morning's _Prophet_. She hadn't even had the chance to look at it before.

On the front was a picture of the Minister for Magic, looking regal, giving a bold sort of half-smirk, and Lily realised that it must be an article about him.

_**MINISTER FOR MAGIC CELEBRATES TEN SUCCESSFUL YEARS IN OFFICE**_

_It certainly only seems like yesterday when Alistair Waldgrave took the office of Minister for Magic, but he will soon be celebrating his tenth year in the position._

_"I can still remember the day when Waldgrave took over for Nobby Leach in '68," says Vivian Horn, 67 of Devon. "The Magic community has never seen such a wonderful leader in such a time of desperate need."_

_The praising words of Horn are joined by thousands of others, including rising reporter Rita Skeeter, 26, who had the phenomenal once-in-a-lifetime chance to chat with Alistair Waldgrave. "It's an opportunity most reporters would kill to have," Skeeter explains. "I am honoured to have gotten the chance to write about such a powerful figure."_

_For more information about Skeeter's exclusive _Prophet _interview with Minister for Magic Alistair Waldgrave, please turn to page 8._

Lily threw the paper back onto her desk, disgusted by _The Prophet_'s ignorance, feeding the public the same lies. She couldn't stand that they were keeping the public in the dark, the same way they had just over a year ago, the same way they had since she found out about the Magical world. Fury pulsed through her body just thinking about it all, contemplating what she would say to Alistair Waldgrave about this horrific filtering of news if she ever got the chance.

It sickened her. In such a time of war, the Magical community should be completely supporting the Ministry; there shouldn't be others like her (for she knew that there were) who disapproved so strongly of what they were doing. It wasn't right, and it certainly wasn't going to help win a war. Neither were blind supporters.

There was a sudden knock against Lily's open door, the sort of knock to announce a person's presence rather than ask permission to enter. Lily glanced up, staring at her sister, standing sheepishly in the doorway, her hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail, wearing a pale summer dress.

"Mum wanted me to tell you that dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes," Petunia said in a soft voice.

"Will dad be home by then?" Lily asked.

Petunia nodded. "He should be back any minute."

"That's good," Lily responded. She looked back down at her desk, searching for something to say. "Mum told me that you moved the wedding."

"I did," she said. "I suppose she told you why, then. And you'll be a bridesmaid?"

Lily stared at her, completely disbelieving. Her sister hated her for the past six years, she'd made sure that Lily always knew that, so why did she want her to be involved with the wedding? "Sure," she said slowly. "Why—?"

Petunia bit her lip. "Lily, I—"

She was cut short by _thunk_ as something collided with Lily's window. Lily whipped around, an owl, still fluttering in the dark just outside the glass. She turned back around, glancing nervously at Petunia who had a disgusted look on her face. "Wait!" Lily said desperately but Petunia turned on her heel, stomping off.

Lily sighed, crossing to the window and opening it, letting the bird swoop in onto her desk. The dark owl ruffled its feathers and let out a small hoot. Lily looked sadly at him.

"Honestly, Davin, you couldn't have waited five minutes?" The bird simply stared at her with his round eyes, and Lily shook her head. "It doesn't matter, now. What do you have for me?"

Lily carefully took the letter from his beak, extracting the parchment from the envelope. _Hey Evans_ was written familiarly across the top.

_Sounds like it's going to be a bit rough. A few years back Sirius's cousin Bellatrix (the horrible snake who really only loves Voldemort and herself) got married to this rotten git, Lestrange. Anyway, his mother helped out with the wedding, so he spent the entire summer at my house. Apparently crazy Bellatrix was even crazier under the pressure. I wish you luck with your own crazy sister._

_Well, if there's something that you don't want to say in a letter, then we must see each other this summer, and soon. I insist. How about coffee? Do you even like coffee? What about tea? Or a candlelit dinner? In Paris, maybe? How about Rome? The gondolas in Venice?_ (She fought a strong urge to roll her eyes.)

_Sirius is unsure about the flat we saw today. Personally, I think it's perfect, but he doesn't seem to think that it's a good enough 'atmosphere'. And by that, he means there aren't enough gorgeous girls in the building to snog his way through. I think he's leaning towards getting it once we graduate, though, because I kept reminding him that there was this really cute Muggle girl working at the coffee shop across the street _(Lily felt a strange pang of jealousy at reading these words)_. In fact, Sirius is standing right behind me, reading over my shoulder right now, which I constantly tell you is really annoying, mate._

_He just hit me. Excuse me while I defend my honour._

_All right, I'm back. It wasn't too hard to beat him. Honestly, maybe one day he'll learn that he can't beat me at anything but dating the most girls _(again Lily felt a twinge of envy)_. Not that I'd stoop to his level of womanising anyway._

_Truthfully, I have no idea what one is supposed to get a wizard for a house-warming gift. Considering I've been housing Sirius for the last year, I'm not going to waste my galleons on him. He should be the one getting me a gift, really. And since you've already decided on not getting him anything either, let's not worry about it. Sounds like a plan, yeah?_

_So you're going to visit Meadowes this summer? That should be very interesting._

Lily paused. 'Interesting'? Sure, it would be 'interesting', but she wasn't sure why he'd chosen that word out of all that he could. 'Fun' maybe, or 'exciting', but 'interesting'? That seemed to Lily the sort of thing you'd say when something really didn't sound interesting at all, as if she had told him she would be seeing Severus when she knew how little he liked him. She'd always gotten the strange idea that James and Dorcas got along quite well, so she was sure it wasn't that. She shook the confused sensation off, returning to the letter.

_Well, it's about time for supper here, so I ought to wash up and continue to convince Sirius that he should take the flat because it's a fantastic deal. And the girl at the coffee shop should easily make up for any lack of them gallivanting about the apartment building itself. I'll talk to you, and hopefully see you, soon._

_James_

Lily sighed, glancing up at the empty doorway again. If only the letter had come five minutes later, she and Petunia might have made some step in the right direction, moving towards forgiveness and perhaps a return to friendship. They were so close...

She put the letter back on her desk, feeling an unfair anger toward James. She knew he couldn't possibly have known what had been going on when his owl arrived, but if he hadn't written her at that moment... She cursed him mentally. At the same time, receiving the reply owl from him warmed her heart immensely. She'd almost given up hope for hearing back from him, but he pulled through for her. He always pulled through for her.

Lily heard the door open downstairs and her father calling to her mother that he was home at last. Her heart seemed to skip a beat and she ran from her room, jumping the last few stairs. She rushed into the kitchen, watching her father pick up the newspaper which was on the little nook.

"Daddy!" she cried excitedly, flinging her arms around him just as he looked up.

He laughed as her body collided with his, taking her into his arms. "How's my baby girl been?" he asked her. "I hardly got to see you last night."

Lily released him, smiling. "I've been all right. I'm so glad to be home, though, of course."

"Of course," he repeated, shrugging off his suit jacket and sliding off his tie. He unbuttoned the top one or two buttons on his Oxford shirt, ushering Lily into the dining room. There her sister was setting the table, avoiding eye contact with Lily, her mother placing a bowl of steamed vegetables between the mashed potatoes and roasted chicken.

"Could you get the salad, Tuney?" her mother asked, and Petunia nodded, squeezing past Lily without a word. She then looked at her husband. "How was your day, dear?"

He shrugged, pulling out a chair and sitting down. "All right, really."

"That's good," she responded, also taking a seat at the table. Lily followed suit, sitting down and waiting for Petunia to return with the bowl fresh salad. She did so seconds later, taking her seat across from Lily and her mother began taking food.

"How was your day with Vernon, Tuney?" her mother asked as her husband carved the chicken.

"Wonderful," Petunia smiled. "We went down to the art museum. They have this wonderful new exhibit there."

"We should go," her father commented, smiling at his wife and placing a few slices of white meat onto Lily's plate. She muttered a small 'thank you' and he nodded.

"That sounds lovely," her mother said, taking a sip of wine. She turned to Petunia again. "What else did you do?"

"Well, naturally we stopped at the bridal shop while we were down there," she said. "There was this lovely dress, mum—it was so perfect."

Completely uninterested in her sister's _perfect_ wedding gown, Lily concentrated on her food. She stabbed her potatoes with her fork, carefully making a hole in the centre to pour gravy into, then proceeded to separate the steamed carrots from the broccoli and cauliflower. She really wasn't sure why her mother always insisted on making carrots in such a manner, as she found them rather disgusting.

"Did you look at the bridesmaid dress we saw?" her mother asked.

Petunia nodded. "It's quite lovely, really."

"I'm sure it'll look quite dazzling on you, Lily," her mother smiled.

Petunia's face turned sour. "Actually, mum, about that—"

"You really should see the dress, darling," her mother went on to Lily. "I know you'll look great in it—"

"Mum, really—"

"The green one, right?" her father asked. "You're right, love, she'd look stunning—"

Petunia stood up, slamming her hands on the table. "I don't want that freak in my wedding!" she shouted.

Silence fell, Lily staring back at her plate with burning cheeks. She'd known that it wouldn't last, that Petunia wouldn't want her involved. All it took was an owl crashing into Lily's window to remind Petunia how much she hated her. She heard footsteps as Petunia stormed off.

"I'll go talk to her," her father said in a quiet voice. There was a scraping of chair legs as he too left the dining room.

"Don't worry," her mother said softly. "I'm sure she'll come around. She didn't mean it, you know—"

"Can I eat in my room tonight, mum?" Lily asked quickly. She didn't want to stay down there any more, didn't want to hear her mother's apologies on behalf of her sister. Her mother nodded sadly and Lily took her plate, leaving the dining room and walking upstairs. She could hear raised voices from her sister's bedroom, her heart aching as she entered her own room, closing the door behind her.

Davin was perched on Lily's desk, his head beneath his wing. He stirred as Lily set the dish there, picking at her food. He looked hungrily at the plate. She took a few of the carrots in her fingers, setting them in front of Davin. He hooed gratefully, eating them quickly. She smiled at the bird.

Having lost her appetite, Lily slid her plate to the side, picking up a quill thoughtfully, glancing again at the letter from James.

_Potter._

_I wish I could say that Bellatrix sounds like a lovely person, but from your description, I'll assume she isn't. Though, of course, if she's anything like her sister Narcissa, I don't think that's possible. I remember meeting Andromeda—how did such a lovely person get stuck in such a horrible family? Though I suppose the same could be said for Black. Not that I think he's 'lovely', per se. He's better than the rest of that lot, though._

_As for my own crazy sister, she just shouted at the dinner table that I'm a freak and she doesn't want me involved with her wedding. I'm sure my dad will have convinced her otherwise by tomorrow, but I don't even care at this point. I just hate knowing that things are never going to be the same between us._

_For the tenth time, Potter, I will not go to Paris with you. That also goes for Rome and Venice. No._

_And yes, by the way, I do like coffee._

_Best of luck convincing Black to get the flat. I'm sure he'll give in by the time we leave Hogwarts. Aren't teenagers supposed to want freedom and the like? He should be itching to move out of your place. Though you do say he loves your family. He'll figure things out, I'm sure._

_Seeing Dorcas should be rather interesting, as you put it. Hopefully she'll be able to come to the wedding, assuming that my mother says yes. Heaven knows I'll need someone there to keep me sane because I'm going to be driven completely mad otherwise._

_I suppose I'll see you later in the summer then, eh Potter? I'll speak to you soon._

_Lily_

_P.S. I was right—my mum made carrots tonight. Davin is currently enjoying them quite a bit, not that I understand why he likes them._

Lily smiled at the letter, giving it to the owl once he had finished the food she had given him. Immediately the bird took off, flying out of her bedroom window. Lily gazed after it, watching it soar over her backyard, beyond the garden and the tire swing, past the few trees separating the adjacent neighbourhood until the tiny bird was only a little dark speck in her line of vision against the brilliant hues of the setting sun.


	4. Chapter Four: The Truce

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Four: The Truce  
**

**Notes:** I'm sorry this has taken so long. I was having some personal issues for a while, but things have finally slowed down enough that I can post. I'm going to try to be more timely, I promise..

* * *

The next few weeks were, to Lily, a living hell. Sure enough her father had convinced Petunia to reconsider her refusal of Lily's involvement in the wedding; she almost wished she hadn't. Lily was constantly forced to help with the planning (though she found that her opinions never really mattered) and was dragged to several different shops, from the bakery making the cake to the bridal store with the dresses Petunia was so fond of. Lily thought it would have been easier, really, if Petunia had just gone on hating her.

To her delight, however, her letters with James continued on a somewhat regular basis. Certainly they were not daily, though she occasionally wished they were, but they were not so distant as a week between each contact. The letters kept her moving through each dreadful day as she was dragged along to bridal shops for dress fittings and the florist for the arrangements in the yard and the bouquet Petunia would be carrying. She'd even been drafted into addressing and filling out the invitations with her mother.

It was then that Lily was relieved to find out that Dorcas would in fact be allowed to come to the wedding. Lily had the first half of the the list alphabetically (so naturally she was forced to address dozens to the Dursely family, all with what she thought were horrible names and she couldn't help but feel a small stab of pity for them), and second to last on the list was _Meadowes, Dorcas_, written in her sister's careful print.

"Dorcas can really come?" she asked her mother excitedly.

Her mother nodded weakly, crossing out another name on her own second half of the list. "I asked Tuney last week, and she said that it didn't matter to her," she responded. "I know that you said you wanted her to come, so she added her to the list."

Lily smiled, writing the final name on her last invitation, which was to be sent to Petunia's good friend, Yvonne. Lily was contemplating the necessity of that invitation, considering she would be one of Petunia's bridesmaids, so she _must_ know about the wedding, but she finished writing her address on the envelope, putting it in the finished pile.

"That was quick," her mother commented, looking up from her own unfinished stack of invites.

"Want any help with yours?" Lily asked.

Her mother shook her head. "It's all right."

Lily pushed her chair back, the legs scraping noisily against the floor. She stood up, placing her thumbs carefully through the belt loops of her shorts. "I'm going to take a walk," she told her mother, leaning over and giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Dinner's at seven," she said off-handedly, copying a name carefully from the list, making sure that the ink didn't smear as she did so.

Lily nodded, heading towards the front door, grabbing her trainers when she got there. She carefully descended the porch steps in her socks, sitting on the bottom step to tie her laces. She stood back up, ready to go.

She didn't think much about where she was going exactly, her feet instinctively carrying her through her neighbourhood. She'd contemplated walking to town to buy a new album or see a film, but the air felt so hot and she wasn't sure how far she could walk. It was probably best not to press her luck so she simply wandered down the street without any real intent.

Suddenly, her feet seemed to come to a stop and she looked around her thoughtfully. She'd arrived at the old playground, though, she now realised, it hardly looked old. She strayed from the pavement, walking down the dirt path between the trees until her feet were on mulch. Carefully she took a seat on one of the swings.

It was strange. It wasn't her playground any more, it wasn't the park she'd grown up in, where she'd first met Severus so many years ago. No, the wood and rusting metal had been replaced by brightly coloured plastics and painted steel. There was an entirely new jungle gym, far beyond the simple monkey bars and rings that had been there before. Instead there was a system of tunnels and places to climb and Lily thought that it would have been fun, had it not replaced her sanctuary.

Even the rubber of the swing she was occupying was new, feeling stiff instead of the worn one she used to love so dearly. They were no longer held by squeaking metal chains that sounded as though they would break when she got too high. They'd changed the entire park, and she didn't like it.

She pushed off from the ground, pumping her legs to gain height. She still could imagine the day she'd met Severus vividly—she was going so high and then she jumped. Petunia was furious. It was all before she'd found out about Magic, before she understood. Then, Sev had come and he told her everything...

Lily wondered if she jumped now, if she could still perform the same trick, and Magic would once again come to her aid and prevent her from hurting herself. She closed her eyes, her heart pounding as she swung. She took a deep breath and felt the chains leave her hands as she flew through the air. It was a thrill, feeling the wind around her as she plummeted to the ground, her eyes popping open. Surely she was going to break her ankles; that would be something to explain to her mother, a great idea with the wedding so rapidly approaching—

Suddenly, it was as though she'd pulled the ripcord for an invisible parachute and the air around her seemed to stop, then start again at a much slower pace. She floated the rest of the way down, her feet gracefully touching the ground as though someone was placing her there carefully.

She smiled, closing her eyes. She swore that if she concentrated hard enough she could hear Sev's reaction if he'd seen her. "You haven't changed a bit since we met," he'd smile silkily. "You never cared for such trivial things as gravity..." Then she would make a witty comment back about there being no need to worry about the laws of nature...

"You're going to break your neck," came a different voice and Lily jumped slightly, jerking her head up to see her own sister standing somewhat disapprovingly at the edge of the playground. She blinked, unsure what to say.

"Actually," she replied seriously, "I reckon I'd only break my ankles. I'd have to jump at a really off angle to break my neck."

Petunia didn't smile. She simply walked past Lily to one of the swings. Lily took a seat next to her sister.

"When'd they change everything?" she asked.

Petunia pursed her lips characteristically, as she usually did when Lily asked a question. She hated any question at all, as though the asker was being stupid for questioning something so obvious. Lily hated this about her sister; she was certain that if she did in fact know the answers to the questions she asked, she wouldn't ask them in the first place. "This spring," she told her.

Lily nodded, feeling defeated by her unsuccessful attempt at small talk. She was never good at that sort of thing, trying to strike up a conversation. It was much easier to insert her sarcastic comments. Slughorn had picked up on that toward the middle of her first year, when she finally got the courage to speak. He'd laugh heartily and Lily would be reminded of a beardless Santa Claus in wizard robes. His amusement was what led her to open up completely by Second Year, even if he was the only one to whom she would exhibit her sharp tongue in classes; she thought her other professors might be a little too strict for that sort of thing, especially McGonagall. It was wiser, she decided, to win them over in other ways.

"Mum said you'd probably be here," Petunia suddenly said.

Lily'd almost forgotten about her sister's presence. She nodded, smiling; her mother knew her so incredibly well. "So, er.. _Why_ were you looking for me, exactly?"

Petunia wrinkled her nose again.

"I wanted to talk to you," she said impatiently.

Lily simply blinked at her sister, completely nonplussed as to the cause of the events unravelling before her. Maybe something went wrong and she hadn't floated so effortlessly to the ground, just moments before. Maybe she was really lying on the mulch, out cold, dreaming of this peculiar encounter with her sister. It seemed just as, if not _more _likely than the possibility of it actually happening.

Assuming, of course, that it was the _real_ Petunia, Lily fought the temptation and did not ask her what it was that she wanted to talk her about. She just continued to stare at her sister, waiting for her to continue.

"I want to try," Petunia said softly. "I know we both love mum and there's no reason why we should upset her when... when there's so little time left."

Lily nodded at her, trying her best not to smile. She was getting her sister back, after all. And though this was a mere truce, no perfect friendship or sisterhood, it was still something. It was far more than they had at the moment.

"Yeah," Lily said. "I agree."

Petunia nodded. "Then I suppose we have an agreement?" she asked.

Lily nodded this time. "Yeah," she responded quickly. "Of course."

"Well then." Petunia slid back off her swing, flashing a stiff smile at Lily. "I suppose I should go back and help mother with dinner. I'll see you at home." She turned, walking back up the tiny path, turning left as she reached the pavement.

Lily's heart was pounding in her stomach. It seemed so completely impossible that, at last, things were returning to a fraction of the way they once were.

"What a touching scene."

The voice almost made Lily fall off of her swing, staring sourly at the figure emerging from the surrounding flora.

"I honestly think that I might cry," he said sarcastically, and Lily stood up, folding her arms across her chest.

"I see that you still have a fondness for hiding in shrubbery, Snape," she spat.

"And you're still just as naïve as ever if you actually think she means it," he said in return, smiling coldly.

She frowned at him, feeling something strange in her chest before remembering that it was _Snape_, a no-good jerk and she ought not listen to his words. "And what justifies the fact that you're spying on me? Working on some plot with all your little Death Eater friends to do me in?"

His body stiffened, frowning at her in return. "I would _never_—"

"You said you'd never do a lot of things, Sev, and calling me Mudblood was one of them," she hissed, walking up the path, to the pavement.

He caught up with her quickly, as they got closer to her house. "Look, _Lily—"_

She stopped walking, glaring at him. "D'you honestly think that using my first name will make me want to be your friend?" she asked.

He folded his arms, mirroring her. "It worked for that git, Potter—"

"Potter hasn't used my first name more than twice in the past year," Lily told him, beginning to walk again.

"Then what is it?" Severus asked coolly. "Are you under the Imperius Curse or has he been slipping you love potion in your butterbeer?"

"As if he'd ever stoop to something on your level," Lily laughed. "You know nothing about Potter and me."

"I know that you used to hate him," he said.

"Yeah, well, something changed," she replied.

"Yeah?" he asked. "And what was that?"

"If you must know," she told him smoothly, stopping again as they reached the front step of her house, "it was you."

"Me?" he asked softly, in a tone far from the frigid one he'd been using before.

"Yeah," she nodded. "We realised we had something in common after all, and that was the dislike we felt for you."

He stared at her, stunned, lips slightly parted. Afraid that she would suddenly lose her nerve in this battle against him, she turned on her heel, walking up the steps to her house, quickly closing and locking the door behind her.

"Lily?" came her mother's voice from the kitchen.

"Yeah, mum?" she asked breathlessly, walking to the archway.

"I thought I heard voices," she said, over the sink, rinsing some dishes and silverware, clearly for dinner.

"Oh," Lily said lamely. "Er, yeah. I ran into Sev at the park."

"That must have been nice," her mother smiled. "Did you two have a nice chat?"

Lily blinked at her mother for a moment before remembering that, of course, she'd never told her family about the falling out the two of them had had. It seemed completely unnecessary and irrelevant at the time (and, of course, she'd been too hurt for words), and now she was sure it would only upset her mother even more. There was no need to bring it up.

"Er, yeah," she replied awkwardly.

"Dinner will be ready soon—"

"Actually, mum," she cut across her, "I'm really not hungry. I have no appetite."

Her mother's head snapped up, looking worriedly at Lily. She quickly turned off the tap, wiping her hands on her apron and taking a few steps to put the back of her hand to her forehead. "You feel a bit warm," she said. "Are you ill?"

Lily swallowed. "Yeah, I feel a bit sick."

Her mother frowned. "Maybe Tuney and I have been overworking you. Why don't you go up to bed?"

"Can I call Dorcas?" she asked.

"Of course," she said. "Get some rest, though, all right?"

Lily nodded, hugging her mother and flashing her a weak smile before running up to her bedroom. She quickly picked up the phone on her desk, dialling Dorcas's number.

She listened to the hypnotic rings, counting them breathlessly. One, two, three... Maybe nobody would pick up and she'd have to leave a message, or call her back... four, five, six...

"Meadowes' residence," came a familiar young girl's voice.

"Dorcas!" Lily said quickly.

"Hey Lily," she responded, laughing. "I've been waiting for you to call me this summer."

"Yeah, well, I didn't have a real _need_ until now," Lily responded, absently coiling the phone cord around her fingers. She needed to tell someone who understood about Snape, and she didn't think that she needed Potter to do anything if she told him.

"Why?" Dorcas asked, suddenly concerned. "What's up?"

Lily bit her lip, walking across the bedroom, staring out the window. "I ran into Snape."

She could imagine Dorcas perfectly on the other end of the line, probably sitting down with her hand on her forehead, brow furrowed and frowning slightly.

"What did he want now?" she sighed, so characteristically like her.

Lily inhaled deeply, readying herself for the story that would follow. "Well, I was talking to Petunia—"

"Wait, you were talking to your sister?"

"Yeah, she wanted to call a truce—"

"_Your sister_—?"

"Yeah," Lily said impatiently, wishing she could get on with telling her what happened already. "And Snape, being the typical git he is came out of the bushes and—"

"He was hiding in the bushes?" Dorcas asked, half-laughing.

Lily frowned, sighing angrily into the receiver. "Yes, that's the same way I met him, and you know, you're very bad at listening to my stories."

"I'm sorry," Dorcas said quickly, and Lily could still hear her smiling on the other end. "It all just sounds rather odd, even for you. But go on."

"Okay, well Snape said that Petunia didn't mean it, and so I asked him why the hell he was spying on me anyway. He started having a go at Potter, then—accused Potter of tricking me into being his friend." Lily let out an angry sound of frustration. "The stupid prat."

"And when you lost your temper," Dorcas pressed on carefully, "as I'm sure you did after that, what did you say?"

Lily swallowed. "I told him that Potter and I became friends over our mutual hatred for him."

"_Lily..._"

"He upset me!" Lily said defensively, feeling guilt rise sickeningly in her chest as she took a seat on her bed, feeling the springs sink beneath her as Puck was awoken from his nap. "He had the nerve to say something about how Potter had either given me love potion or put me under the Imperius. That's something only Snape himself would do."

Dorcas sighed. "I'll never understand you, Lily."

Lily smiled weakly, Puck crawling onto her stomach and curling into a ball and purring loudly. "I lost my temper..."

"And how's that going to fix anything?" Dorcas asked her softly. "You always say how you want to be his friend again, how you want things to go back to normal... How is this going to help?"

"It's not," Lily said in a tiny voice, closing her eyes shut tight. "Damn it, Dorcas, it's not. Why do I keep doing this?"

"It's not just you," Dorcas replied gently. "He's doing it, too."

"And I should be the one to stop it," Lily said. "I should be the bigger person in all this."

"Why do you have to be?"

"You know," Lily sighed into the receiver, "I'm really not sure what side you're taking right now, Dorcas."

"I'm not taking any side," she replied. "I just don't understand. You want to be his friend, but then you fight with him. You think that you have to be the bigger person, but relationships are a two-way street. You have to make up your mind about it all. What is it that you want to do?"

Lily rolled onto her side, bringing her knees up to her chin and hugging her legs tightly. She didn't want to decide, to make a conscious effort to either leave Sev or try to keep him. Leaving him meant leaving one of the best friends she ever had, and trying to keep him..? It was obvious he didn't want her, anyway. For an entire year she'd been refusing to finalise anything on her end, about her feelings, and now Dorcas was urging her to choose. But she couldn't... How could Dorcas expect her to?

"I..." Lily muttered, throat tight, "I don't know..."


	5. Chapter Five: The Wedding

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Five: The Wedding**

**Notes:** Here you guys go! I'm working on another Gleefic, too. So maybe that'll be up at some point soon. D

* * *

Lily's mother was intent on keeping her from working too much over the remaining weeks before the wedding, letting her laze around until the day before, when Dorcas arrived. Then, the only request was that she tend to her guest while she and Tuney finalised everything for the next morning.

It was fun, of course. They spent the afternoon down by the stream, then went back to the house where they had dinner and watched films until two in the morning, when they decided it would be wise to get to sleep.

Twelve hours later, after having a very late breakfast and watching some cartoons, it only seemed polite that Lily let Dorcas shower first, so while her friend was getting ready, she slipped out the back door.

The yard was beautiful. Lily wondered how long it had taken her mother and sister and all the workers they had hired for the wedding to actually do it all. There were flowers everywhere, all her sister's favourites that she recognised distinctly and knew were primarily chosen because of their meaning: red and white roses for unity, lilacs for love, violets for faithfulness, rosemary for remembrance, daisies for purity, and a little clover and almond for promise. A lovely blend of those were also arranged meticulously in her bouquet with baby's-breath. Lily remembered seeing her sister and mother spend hours poring over books about the meaning of flowers in order to chose those.

To Lily, the meaning somehow didn't seem important. She had snatched an extra book from the table while her mother and sister read a particularly large volume, and sat in the corner gazing wondrously at the beautiful photographs. She decided then that at her wedding, she would want more interesting flowers, ones which she found exotic and beautiful, ones like foxgloves and bluebottles and snapdragons and birds of paradise and forget-me-nots. Poppies and daffodils would also be necessary, so bright-coloured, reminding her of the garden she and her mother had made when she was really little. She didn't know the meanings of any of them, and she didn't really care, but she thought they were all so unique and beautiful and must look absolutely lovely together in some sort of way.

There were almost a hundred chairs, set up in a dozen different rows, separated by an aisle for the marriage procession. At the end of the aisle, in front of all the chairs was a beautiful arch. It made Lily think of a sort of trellis, covered in vines of creeping flowers. That, she knew, was where Petunia and Vernon would be standing as they said their vows. Afterwards, the guests would return to the back where food and drink would be set out in an hour or so. Then someone would bring the cake out, complete with a topper which included replicas of the soon-to-be-married couple.

Inside at that moment she knew her mother was attacking Petunia with a hairbrush and curling iron, pulling her sleek blond hair into an intricate knot on the back of her head, held together with pins and hairspray. Lily didn't want to be in there because she knew Petunia was already in a bad mood, carried over from the night before. She was lucky to avoid her sister thus far in her day and she wasn't sure how long she could continue to do so before the actual wedding.

"What are you doing?" came her sudden shriek, and Lily knew immediately that she had been found. She turned to see her sister, her hair in a neat bun on the back of her head, two solitary curls falling on either side of her face. She was wearing only a slip, her dress probably still hanging up in her bedroom.

Lily shrugged. "Just looking."

"You're still in your pyjamas?" she asked scathingly. "The wedding starts in just over an hour. You'd better go shower and get dressed because I do _not_ want you looking like that on _my_ wedding day!" She stomped off just as their mother came walking outside.

"Hey mum," Lily smiled at her.

"Your sister's just a little stressed out. You know that, right?" her mother said, giving her a tired look.

Lily nodded. "Of course. I can't blame her," she responded. "I'll bet I'm a nut case on my wedding day, too."

Her mother tried not to smile but couldn't help it, a toothy grin breaking out across her face. "You're so mean," she said. "Your sister isn't a _nut_ _case._"

"Oh, I know that," Lily laughed.

"You know," her mother told her softly, "I can still remember the day your father and I got married..." She fell silent for a moment, staring dreamily at the yard, and Lily couldn't help but smile at her. Her mother must have been a beautiful bride. Suddenly she patted her back, kissing the top of her head. "You ought to finish getting ready. I'm sure Dorcas will help."

Lily nodded. "Love you, mum," she muttered, kissing her cheek and turning back to the house. She felt hopeful about the day, actually. Her sister was going to be married. She was going to get her happy ending.

She quickly showered, and then Dorcas was able to help her with her hair, somehow making curls fall beautifully down her back. She nervously pulled the emerald bridesmaid dress on, coupled with matching elbow-length gloves. She had to admit that the ensemble was quite pretty. Her sister had good taste.

"Ready?" Dorcas asked, clad in her own midnight blue dress which Lily thought looked gorgeous on her. She nodded, and the two friends ambled down the stairs.

"You girls look lovely," said Lily's mother as they arrived outside. She smiled warmly at them, putting her arm around Dorcas's shoulders. "Let me show you where you'll be sitting, dear."

Dorcas gave a tiny wave to Lily as she walked off to her seat. The rows were almost completely filled now, which was making Lily feel antsy.

"Ready?" Petunia asked her, and Lily nodded. "I'm set to walk in fifteen minutes."

Lily absent-mindedly straightened her dress and smoothed her hair as Petunia seemed to count down. By ten minutes, the last tardy guests had arrived. By five minutes everyone who had been chatting had taken their seats. By three minutes Petunia was lining everyone up. By one minute the organist had taken his seat.

Suddenly Petunia grabbed Lily's wrist. "My bouquet," she said, somewhat frantic, staring at her sister with wide eyes. "The ribbon, it's fraying. Could you go get the scissors from the kitchen?"

Lily heard the music, already started. The flower girl was about to walk down the aisle, their little cousin Lily used to babysit during the summers. "Tuney, there's no time," Lily whispered. "I have my wand, just let me—"

"No!" Petunia said. "Someone will see you!"

"It's not even that bad, hardly noticeable—"

"Please, Lily," Petunia said, her eyes pleading.

Lily bit her lip, nodded. She knew her sister wanted everything to be perfect, however insignificant it might seem to her at the time. She had to do it. It was Petunia's day and Lily had no right to take any bit of it from her.

She stepped out of the procession, hiking up her skirt and running back into the house as fast as she possibly could in heels (deciding as she did so that she would be barefoot for her own wedding, one day). She flung the door open, her heels clunking loudly on the hard floor, dropping her small bouquet on the counter. She opened the drawer that kept the scissors, only to find that they weren't there. She wrenched drawers and cabinets open as fast as she could before remembering that her mother had last used them that morning in the dining room. She ran to the long table, her gloved hand quickly finding the scissors. Again she picked up her dress, grabbing her flowers again from the counter and rushing back outside.

Her heart sank when she finally got there. Petunia was already underneath the arch with Vernon, smiling at him as the minister spoke, welcoming the crowd and beginning to pray. Lily's small flower arrangement fell from her grip. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

She walked over the table, which the caterers were already covering with food. She slammed the scissors down, though the white tablecloth muffled the sound. She wasn't sure if she felt more angry or hurt as she stared at her feet.

In her head, she had imagined the day so perfectly. It was all going to be so wonderful, and she and her sister were going to be best friends again. Her sister had wanted her in the wedding, hadn't she? Maybe she was right after all, maybe it was only her mother who wanted Lily to be a part of the ceremony.

Suddenly, another body joined her own, and she shivered slightly, recognising the posture and step of the figure. "If you'd have listened to me," said a horribly familiar voice, "this never would have happened."

"What the hell are you doing here, Snape?" she asked coldly. She really didn't need him to come and pour salt on her already burning wound. She glared at him, feeling her cheeks burn red as she did so. He was lying, just trying to make her feel worse. That was what he always did.

A smile curled on his lips. He was wearing a grubby-looking second-hand suit and it looked as though he had tried to slick back his hair, though it was a bit hard to tell. "Your lovely mother invited me, of course."

"Clearly not one of her wiser choices," Lily responded, folding her arms, turning back to the archway. She was trying with all her might to concentrate on the couple standing there, watching the minister finish his speech, finally turning to her sister. It didn't seem as though she was really there, however, like she was only watching it all happen in a movie. Still, however, Snape stood beside her. "You should leave."

"I think it's awfully unfair of you to assume your sister doesn't want me here," he said smoothly, mock-hurt echoing in his words that made Lily's insides burn.

She laughed, watching as her sister recited vows. "Right, because Petunia's so fond of you, and you actually give a damn about her."

"And she gives a damn about you?" he asked, quirking a brow.

"We're _sisters,_" Lily spat, still watching the ceremony intently. Vernon was now reciting his vows to Petunia. Soon they'd exchange the rings, and then they'd kiss, and then they'd be married. Then Lily could get Petunia to explain. It was obviously a mistake, she must have been forced to go. She didn't mean to, it wasn't planned like this at all.

"And you know she pulled that stunt on purpose," he told her, as though reading her mind, which made her shiver slightly again—he'd always given her that feeling and she hated it more than anything in the world. "She specifically sent you off so you wouldn't be in her _perfect_ wedding."

Lily turned away from the exchange of rings to glare at him. "You're lying," she said, falsely confident. She would talk to Petunia, she would find out the real reason. What he was saying wasn't true at all.

It _couldn't_ be true. Things were supposed to change.

"You know I'm right," he smiled, and she felt her fingers folding into gloved fists. "She cares about nobody but herself. Your stupid, selfish Muggle sister can't stand you, and couldn't even put that behind her for one day to make your _poor, sick, dying mother _happy—"

_WHAM!_ Lily, completely unaware of what she was doing, suddenly put all her bodyweight behind her fist, slamming it into Snape's face. The impact threw him stumbling backwards and he collided with the table. There was a crash as he took the table down with him, food falling to the ground. A few people screamed and heads were turning from all sides to see what happened, and suddenly Lily wished more than anything that she could just disappear. She wanted to melt into the ground, realising what she had just done.

People were standing up now, some of them rushing over to get a better look, others trying to help Snape up off the ground. Her head was spinning, though, and none of it seemed to be making much sense. She couldn't quite believe that all that had, in fact, just happened. She was sure it had, of course, but it didn't seem right. Again she felt completely removed, like she was just watching it on the television or reading it in a strange book.

"Lily!" came a familiar screech as Petunia ran down the aisle. She slapped Lily square on the cheek, and even though her hand was gloved it still stung immensely. Lily's hand jumped to her face, trying to sooth the burning. "You ruined my wedding, you-you _freak!_ How could you?"

Lily's hand fell to her sister's arm in a desperate attempt to make her understand. "I—I didn't mean—"

_Smack!_ Again Lily felt her sister's hand collide with her face, the stinging bringing tears to her eyes. She was losing the feeling in her left cheek.

Petunia yanked her arm out of Lily's grasp, glaring at her as she did so, as though she was something less than human touching her. She stomped away, back into the house, and Lily saw her mother and Vernon run after her.

"Easy there," said a husky voice, and Lily noticed that two men were helping Severus up. His nose appeared to be broken and he was bleeding a great deal, all over his face and down the front of his suit.

Snape yanked his arms away from them. "Let me go!" he shouted at them, giving Lily a dirty look before stalking away, out of the yard. She watched him disappear down the street, people around her whispering rather loudly. She was suddenly aware that they were all talking about her, sure that if she turned the slightest bit they'd all be staring, possibly even pointing at her. It made her feel sick to her stomach.

Suddenly, Lily felt her own arms get grabbed, two figures leading her back into the house. "Come on," came her father's voice as he yanked her into the kitchen, Dorcas holding her other arm tightly. She really wished he wouldn't sound that way. She really wished that someone would say something like "nice right hook!" and then they'd all have a good laugh about it, but she doubted that would be happening. How could she expect them to make light of it, when she was sure that nobody would understand what she'd done in the first place?

"I don't want to hear any explanations," her father said sternly and sadly, looking at Lily. "I'm sure you have a decent reason because I know you well enough to know that, I just do _not_ care enough to hear them at the moment."

"But—"

He held his hand up, and she bit her lip so hard it felt like it might bleed. "I think you should stay out of the house for a while, until your sister has completely moved out," he went on, and Lily felt her heart shattering. "I know you said you were planning on staying with Dorcas for a while..." He looked hopefully at Dorcas, who nodded.

"She's welcome to stay over for as long as she needs," she said. "Mum loves company."

"Is that all right, poppit?" her father asked. Lily nodded, unable to look at him, staring at the floor, feeling completely ashamed of what had happened. It had felt so right for a brief second, but immediately that feeling had evaporated. "The sooner the better, I suppose," he sighed.

"I'll go upstairs and get my stuff together," Dorcas said.

"Daddy," Lily said in a tiny voice as Dorcas walked off, tears forming in her eyes as she continued to stare at the floor. "For the record, I did it because he insulted Tuney."

He smiled sadly at her, putting his hand under her chin and forcing her to look up before kissing her forehead. "That was very noble of you, but you know that she'll never understand." He hugged his daughter tightly, and she nodded into his chest, breathing in deeply to keep herself from crying.

"I know," she muttered. He released her, then patted her on the back and she ran up the stairs the best she could, still in her heels.

As she made her way to her bedroom, she heard her sister shouting and crying. Words didn't register in her head, but she couldn't take the time to try to comprehend. She needed to leave like her father had said, needed to give Petunia time to heal. She prayed that she would heal and maybe, just maybe things could go back to normal, or as close to normal as they could.

Dorcas was finishing her packing when Lily opened the door. She smiled weakly at her friend in the smallest sign of encouragement, closing her bag and standing up.

"Want some help?" Dorcas asked and Lily nodded, the two girls piling Lily's possessions into her own rucksack. It didn't take long as she mostly just needed clothes because anything else she could surely borrow from Dorcas, though she did grab the handful of letters she kept to cheer her up (because she was sure she would need to be cheered up quite a bit in the next few days or so), her favourite quill, and a few toiletries.

Smiling gently at her, Dorcas took Lily's hand in her own comfortingly. "It will be all right, you know. Things always work out, Lily," she told her softly, in the soothingly confident way Dorcas always could.

Lily opened her mouth but no sound came out, so she simply nodded, her head aching painfully.

Dorcas squeezed Lily's hand, sighing and pulling her wand out as she did so. "Shall I, then?"

Lily nodded again and the two suddenly turned on the spot. She closed her eyes, taking in the sensation, waiting until she was far, far away from home...


	6. Chapter Six: Unexpected Visits

**The Seer's Diary**  
**Chapter Six: Unexpected Visits**

**Notes:** Sorry for the wait, guys. I've been busy in the Glee fandom, lately..

* * *

Suddenly, the world began to slow and Lily felt herself stop spinning altogether, Dorcas still grasping her hand tightly.

She looked around, taking her surroundings in. She could see a little church at the end of the square with a graveyard. The few houses around her all looked so cozy, and they didn't seem _too_ big, as Alice's house always had. She felt a smile curling on her lips, thinking that this was the type of neighbourhood she'd want to live in one day.

Dorcas turned to her, brushing her curls off her shoulders out of her face. "Your make-up is running a bit," she said softly.

Lily nodded, running her fingers under her eyes. "Better?"

Dorcas tilted her head, then tucked some of Lily's hair away again and swiping at her shoulders. "There you go."

"Did I really look that awful?" Lily asked darkly, raising an eyebrow at her friend.

"No!" Dorcas replied, blushing. "You just, you know.. you never know who you'll see."

Quickly she turned around, beginning to walk up the square and down a street to a house quite a way down from where they were standing.

"Wait," Lily said, rushing to catch up with her, hitching up her skirt again as she did so. "What do you mean 'you never know who you'll see', Dorcas?"

"Nothing," she shrugged a little too qickly.

"No," Lily pressed on, grabbing Dorcas's wrist as they stopped on the porch of a beautiful white house with a black roof and lit windows. "Who's in there?"

Dorcas didn't look at Lily as she tapped her wand on the door, and there was a sliding of locks on the other side before she turned the doorknob. She pushed the door open as Lily let her hand slip back to her side, suddenly dreading what might lay ahead.

They were met with warm light and the sound of laughter inside, which felt so strange after what chaos had erupted at the wedding so shortly beforehand. Dorcas silently led Lily through a hallway, back into the kitchen, the laughter growing continuously louder.

"Dorcas, sweetie, is that you?" an older woman suddenly called, and Dorcas walked into the kitchen, a woman who was clearly her mother tapping a kettle with her wand so that steam shot out the spout.

"Yes, mum," Dorcas said, walking over to her. "And I brought Lily, I hope that's all right."

The older woman smiled, nodding. "Of course," she said, then looking up Lily. "It's a pleasure to see you, dear. Let me take you to the sitting room, so you can meet some of the neighbourhood."

"Thank you Mrs. Meadowes," Lily responded before Dorcas's mother led them into a large sitting room with a cozy fireplace and several comfortable-looking armchairs and a sofa.

Mrs. Meadowes put the tea tray down on the coffee table, smiling at the tiny group before her. "You all know my daughter, of course," she said, and Dorcas gave a small wave as the women said hello to her. "And this is her friend Lily Evans."

"Hello," Lily said in a tiny voice, trying to take in the faces as Mrs. Meadowes put her hand on her back, now gesturing to the figures.

"This is Glenna Abbott," she said, and a tiny woman with greying blond hair and rosy cheeks waved her hand. "Her nephew is a few years older than you are. And here's Marlene McKinnon," she went on as a much younger figure with dark brown hair smiled at Lily. "She moved down here just a month or two ago when she married her husband Ewan." Mrs. Meadowes then turned Lily the slightest bit to see the other guests she was entertaining. "Here's Bathilda Bagshot, author of _A History of Magic_," she said and an ancient-looking woman with pure white hair gave a toothy grin. "Then this is Dorea Potter," she continued, as a kind-looking woman with jet black hair nodded at Lily, "and of course you know her son, James."

Immediately he leaned forward so that Lily could, for the first time, see him clearly behind his mother.

"P-Potter?" she spluttered, gaping at the boy with dark hair and glasses who was smirking at her.

"Hey Evans," he said familiarly with a tiny wave of the hand.

"Is this how all of you children speak to each other now?" Mrs. Potter asked her son with a smile. "Honestly, do you all call each other by your surnames?"

"No, Mrs. Potter," Dorcas laughed politely. "It's just Lily and James that are a bit of a special case."

"Unless you don't like the person, anyway," James said to his mother. "Like that git Malfoy, who graduated a few years ago. You'll never catch me saying his first name." He stuck his tongue out and cringed over-dramatically at the thought.

"You mean Abraxas's son?" Mrs. Abbott asked, pouring some more tea. "Yes, well, they're not the most pleasant of people, the kind who like to think that blood and money make them better than everyone else. If his son is anything like him, I can't really blame you for disliking him, James."

"Yeah, well, his son is turning out to be a Death Eater anyway—"

"James," his mother said sharply. "That's a horrible thing to accuse someone of. Do you know for a fact that he is, or are you just saying this because you dislike him?"

"Sirius said that before he ran away, he was visiting his aunt's house and he swore that Malfoy, Bellatrix, and that git of a husband of hers all had Dark Marks," James said solemnly, and it made Lily shiver to think how close the Death Eaters were, and not just what she thought might be of her old best friend.

"I wouldn't put it past them," Dorcas muttered, shaking her head, and an ominous silence fell upon the group.

"Dorcas, love," Mrs. Meadowes said suddenly, breaking the silence, "why don't you take Lily up to your room? She can put all her things down. I'm sure you don't want to sit here gossiping with a bunch of old women, anyway."

Dorcas smiled and nodded, taking Lily's arm and leading her up the stairs, straight into a bedroom at the end of the hall. She dropped her bag onto the bed, signalling that Lily should do the same.

Slipping off her heels at long last, Lily looked up at Dorcas, finally understanding everything—why Dorcas had tried to fix her up before getting back into the house, why James had said her visiting would be considered 'interesting', why Dorcas had always seemed so friendly to James, and even the other way around. "You knew Potter would be here, didn't you?" she asked.

Dorcas shook her head. "I know you'd think that, but I didn't," she said. "I suspected it was possible, he comes by all the time—"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Lily pressed on.

Dorcas frowned. "Would you have come before if you had known?" she asked her. "I know that this year you two are friends, but that doesn't mean in the past you would have."

"So why not tell me recently?" Lily asked.

"I planned on it, but the opportunity never presented itself," Dorcas sighed. "And it's not like I could have said something before we walked in. 'By the way, Lily, James lives down the street and might be sitting in there.' That would have gone over wonderfully."

Lily frowned at her friend. She knew it made sense, but she still wished that she had known, so that it wasn't a great surprise when she wanted to just curl up in bed and sleep away the rest of the week. Now her mind was racing with the insanity that would ensue while she was there, because she was certain it would. There was always chaos whenever James Potter was around.

"I'm going to go back down and explain things to mum," Dorcas told her softly. "I figure you'll be here for a while, so I just want to fill her in."

Lily nodded solemnly, watching Dorcas walk back out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her with a tiny _click_.

Lily took a seat on her friend's bed and stared down at her still gloved hands. If she looked really closely at her right knuckles, she could see microscopic bits of blood from when she had punched Sev. It was only a half hour ago, an hour at most, but it seemed like years, and thinking of it all made her feel sick to her stomach. She was furious with herself for being unable to, just once, be normal for her sister.

The door opened again, and Lily raised her head, her stomach giving a funny lurch when she didn't see Dorcas returning, but James. He grinned at her, that funny grin he always seemed to use on her, and it was strange that all of a sudden it made her heart skip a beat. Not that it meant anything, of course, but it just seemed strange that it was happening to her, now, when it was the same look as it had always been.

"Hey Evans," he said, looking her over. "How was the wedding?"

Lily swallowed hard. "I'm sure that duelling Voldemort would have gone better, actually."

James raised his eyebrows. "That bad?"

"Yeah," she said. "That bad."

He took a seat next to her on the bed. "What happened?" he inquired. "Assuming you don't mind my asking, of course."

She shook her head. "I hit Snape."

"Good for you," James smiled, but she glared at him. "Too soon, then?"

"Tuney hates me now more than ever," she whispered, feeling her throat tighten again. "I ruined _everything."_

"I'm sure you couldn't be more wrong," James said to her. "Wedding's aren't about everything going perfectly, they're about being joined forever to the person you love. I mean, my parents' wedding was a disaster, as I've been told. My mother's brother came and objected to the entire thing because my dad was a 'blood traitor', and they ended up getting into a fist fight until their other brother, my Uncle Marius, broke it up. And my parents still got married, even though my dad's nose and glasses were shattered, and they stayed together until my dad died."

"Your dad died?" she asked him softly.

"Yeah," James said solemnly, nodding. "About a year ago."

"Oh," Lily said in a tiny voice. "I... I never knew."

James shrugged. "I never thought to tell you. We were just becoming friends, and we never really talked about our families, except for you sister, so it never really crossed my mind."

Lily nodded. It made sense. All of it made sense, yet still she wished that things were different, that there weren't so many things she didn't know about her friends. Suddenly it seemed as though she knew nothing at all about the people she had thought she knew so well.

"You look beautiful," James muttered to her, and Lily looked up to see his cheeks an embarrassed rosy colour, sure that her own face was mirroring the exact shade.

"Thanks," she murmured in reply, trying her best not to let sudden shyness win over and stare back down at her hands, instead keeping eye contact with James. He was inching forward and there was a creak of bedsprings as he leaned on his hand, his face getting slowly closer to her own. And even though she wasn't sure why, she felt herself doing the same thing.

Suddenly, the door opened and Lily and James quickly drew back from each other, looking to the entrance where Dorcas was standing.

"Er, sorry," she said, sounding a little unsure of herself. "Did I, er, interrupt something?"

"No." Lily was sure she'd said it, but it came out in James's voice first, and he jumped to his feet. "Tea time's probably just about over by now," he went on, glancing at his watch. "I should go down and wait for my mum anyway. See you later Meadowes, Evans." And with a wave goodbye, he turned, stepped out of the room and was gone.

Hesitantly, Dorcas replaced James by taking his seat next to Lily. "What was that about?" she asked.

Lily felt as though her heart was pounding in her throat, making it hard to swallow and even harder to speak. "Nothing," she said with difficulty. To be honest, she didn't know what that was about. She wasn't even sure it had really happened.

Dorcas continued to look at Lily carefully. "All right," she said, disbelievingly. "Anyway, James was right, everyone's starting to leave, now, and I told my mum you'd be staying here for a while."

Lily nodded, head still spinning, barely taking in her friend's words.

"Would you like me to get you anything? A bite to eat, something to drink?" she asked Lily. "Anything?"

Lily shook her head. "Nah, I just want to go to bed, to be honest."

Dorcas nodded understandingly. "All right. The bathroom's down the hall to the left, so you can change and all that," she said to her. "I'll set up a second bed for you."

Lily grabbed her bag, walking out of the bedroom without another word, turning into the bathroom. She flipped the light switch up, closing the door behind her. She set her things on the toilet, looking at herself in the mirror above the sink. Her hair was falling down now, her eyes still looking a little bloodshot. She finally pulled off her gloves, turning the taps so that cold water poured out of the sink, splashing it onto her face. She pulled the pins out of her hair, letting her red hair fall down her back before putting it into a braid to keep out of the way. Then, at long last, she slipped her dress off, pulling on a t-shirt and shorts. She sighed, hoping that a good night's sleep was what she needed to just feel better.

Picking up her bag again, Lily made her way back to Dorcas's room, where two beds were now placed beside each other. Her friend smiled at her as she entered the room.

"Here you are," she said, smoothing the bedspread. "I'm going to get a little something to eat because I'm starved, but I'll be up soon enough."

Lily nodded. "All right," she said with a forced smile. "Thanks, by the way."

"It's no trouble at all," Dorcas responded, hugging her tightly for a moment. "Sleep tight."

Lily watched as, again, Dorcas walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Crossing the room, Lily flipped off the lights, making her way back to the bed Dorcas had made for her in the moonlight. She pulled the blankets up to her chin, hugging them close to her body and closing her sore eyes, letting sleep overcome her.

When she woke up seven o'clock the next morning, she felt completely unrested, despite sleeping for so long. Try as she might, however, she could not return to sleep, so she resignedly climbed out of bed, quietly making her way to the shower as to not wake up Dorcas.

The house was completely still, even after she was showered and dressed, so Lily decided to go for a walk around the neighbourhood, to take it all in because she didn't have the chance the night before in her distraction. Scribbling a note to her friend, Lily put the tiny piece of paper on the kitchen table and made her way out onto the front porch.

The warm summer air greeted her pleasantly, the street just as silent as the inside of the house was. Quickly, Lily descended the steps, looking around her as she walked up the street, back to where she remembered the town square being.

She noticed now a tiny post office with a few people entering and exiting, and a pub which was currently closed. The church she'd seen the night before was holding its morning mass, a few latecomers still making their way through its doors.

Again the graveyard caught Lily's attention, a kissing gate at the front behind the church. Cautiously Lily approached it, pushing the gate open with great care. She made her way through the lines of tombstones before one caught her eye: _Kendra_ _Dumbledore_.

Lily blinked at the stone. _Dumbledore_? The death date read seventy-eight years before... Could this have been Dumbledore's mother?

And when her eyes met the next tombstone, again the Dumbledore surname seemed to stand out, this time with the name _Ariana_ preceding it. Looking at her own dates, Lily realised that Ariana was only fourteen at her death, and her heart seemed to break for Dumbledore, to have lost two family members when he was so young himself.

Immediately, Lily was reminded of the family member that she might lose soon, and again she wished she hadn't been so stupid at the wedding. Her mother wanted to see her two daughters get along and be happy one last time, but it seemed impossible.

Suddenly, she felt another body join hers, and looked up to see James, staring at the grave in front of them.

"Seems funny, doesn't it?" he asked her. "To think about Dumbledore as a kid, when he lost his family."

"What happened?" Lily inquired in a hushed voice.

James shrugged. "Miss Bagshot has told me stories, but I'm not sure which are true. She said that Dumbledore told her Kendra died from a backfiring charm, and then Ariana died from some sort of accident, but none of it seems to make sense. Apparently at the funeral, there was a fight and Dumbledore's brother broke his nose, which explains why it's so crooked now. It's just a bit sad to think of, because Dumbledore had nobody after that."

Lily stared at the grave, her heart still breaking for her headmaster. She wished she knew more, but it wasn't any of her business and she didn't feel right asking the man, anyway. Just to think, though, that he had nobody.

Suddenly, she looked at James with realisation. "Is your dad buried here?" she asked him.

He nodded with a small smile, taking her hand and leading her down the rows to a headstone that bore the name _Charlus Potter_, the dates _1918-1976_ right beneath it. She gazed sadly at the grave in front of her.

"He died about this time, one year ago," he said quietly. "I still can't get used to it."

Lily squeezed James's hand comfortingly. "I'm sorry I was never there for you," she told him in a small voice.

"I never expected you to be," he told her with a small smile.

"Will you be there for me?" she found herself asking him, still staring at the words carved into the stone.

He looked at her curiously. "I'm always here for you, you know that."

Lily nodded slowly. After a few minutes of silence, she finally looked up at James and whispered, "My mum is dying."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to her, now taking her in his arms and holding her tightly, running his hand over her hair. She grabbed the back of his shirt, holding him just as close, as though the both of them might fall apart if she ever let go.

She wasn't sure how long they stood there before they at last parted, but the morning mass was finally letting out and others were entering the graveyard to pay their respects. Simultaneously, she and James seemed to sense it was time to go, and they both made their way out of the graveyard and down the street back out of the town square.

"Do you have any plans for today?" James asked her casually as they walked together.

Lily shrugged. "Not really," she said. "Just spending time away from home."

"Care to go on a visit?" James asked her and they slowed to a stop, near the edge of the small village.

"Where to?" Lily asked.

"Just to my house," he told her.

Lily smiled warmly at James. "Sure," she told him.

She followed close behind James as they made their way down the street. He stopped in front of a large white house, about two blocks away from Dorcas's. It was gorgeous, probably one of the biggest on the street, with a beautiful fence in front.

James tapped the door with his wand, opening it up for Lily, and looked around the front hall wonderously. She walked straight into the living room, finding herself drawn to the large fireplace, above with many magical photographs were placed. Many were old, in black and white, probably of James's parents. She then spotted several of him—at just a year or two old on his first broom, what looked like his first day at school, him holding the Quidditch cup probably just from the previous year, him with Sirius and Remus and Peter, just him and Sirius, and then just Sirius. She suddenly remembered what he'd said about Sirius staying with him for so long, and she smiled at the thought of Mrs. Potter putting up a picture of the boy that might as well have been her second son.

"Mum's out shopping today," he said as he joined her, biting his lip as she stared at all the photos. "Sorry it's—"

"It's beautiful," she marvelled, and he beamed. "Is Sirius here?" she found herself asking.

James frowned. "He was gone this morning, I'm not sure if—"

There was a long crash from upstairs and they both jerked their heads up, staring at the ceiling. Then, there was a slamming of a door, at which James frowned even more. "I guess he's back.."

He turned to the stairs, taking them two at a time, Lily following close behind. James quickly rapped on the second door once they'd made it upstairs, and the two stood out there waiting. There was a small crash from the inside which sounded as though someone was stumbling around, and at last the door opened.

"Merlin's beard!" James yelped upon seeing Sirius, and Lily could understand why. His nose was bleeding profusely, Sirius holding a great wad of tissues to it, and his eye looked puffy and swollen. "What the hell happened?" James asked.

"Dat stoobid git, Moore," Sirius mumbled somewhat-coherently, stepping back to allow Lily and James inside.

"Nathan Moore?" Lily asked him, trying to simultaneously be concerned and take in the surrounding bedroom. It looked nice, and very.. him. There was a great stack of magazines on motorcycles and a bowl full of butterbeer caps on a desk that was being steadied by a small piece of cardboard under one of the legs, and the walls were lined with posters and Gryffindor pennants, scarlet and gold everywhere.

"Yeah, Naden Moore," Sirius told her.

"Here," she mumbled, taking out her wand and pulling his hand away from his bleeding nose. She carefully tapped the end of her wand to his nose and the bleeding stopped. She watched as he carefully pressed it, making sure it was no longer broken.

"Thanks, love," he said with a wink that made her roll her eyes.

"So why did Moore do this to you?" James asked, folding his arms. "He's always been a decent kid to me."

"Well, you know how he's been dating Leanne Hurst, right?" Sirius asked, throwing himself into his chair, propping his legs up on the desk, causing a few magazines to slide off onto the floor.

"Padfoot, you _didn't_," James said, taking a seat on the bed, Lily taking a seat next to him.

"Hey," Sirius said defensively. "I didn't do anything wrong."

"You snogged Leanne, didn't you?" James sighed.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," Sirius pressed on. "She _told_ me they'd broken up last night, and then she told me she wanted to get coffee with me this morning, and well.."

"You thought that some snogging would cheer her up, did you?" James asked.

"No!" Sirius said. "She came onto _me_. I think she was using me, mate, because then Moore comes in out of _nowhere_ and starts yelling before he hits me!"

Lily couldn't suppress a smile any longer. "Poor thing," she said, trying not to laugh.

Sirius pulled a face. "It's not funny, Evans," he muttered somewhat angrily, which only made James laugh.

"I thought you were dating Emmeline Vance, anyway," Lily pressed on.

Suddenly Sirius stiffened, and Lily felt her heart flutter strangely as James squeezed her knee. "They broke up," he breathed in her ear.

Sirius was staring out the window now, and Lily looked at him curiously. She knew that he'd dated a dozen girls—at least, she could name a dozen just off the top of her head. She distinctly remembered him even trying to date both Mary Macdonald and Joni Campbell at the same time in the start of their Sixth Year, and the disaster that had caused. (They got over it, of course. Mary had started dating Benjy Fenwick toward the end of Sixth Year, and in one of Alice's letters that winter, she was told that she'd seen Joni and Dirk Creswell snogging outside of Scrivenshaft's.) It was strange, though, to see Sirius reacting like this at just the _mention_ of a girl's name.

Maybe, she thought, he actually felt something more than just infatuation for Emmeline.

A moment later, breaking the awkward silence that had settled, an owl burst through the window and tumbled onto the desk, spilling a few of the bottle caps onto the floor. He shook his feathers off and held out his leg, a small scroll tied to it.

Immediately Sirius grabbed it, unrolling it and groaning as he skimmed it.

"It's _her," _he said miserably. "Leanne. She wants to meet me tonight." He moaned again in agony.

"Just tell her you've got plans," James shrugged.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Tell her you're not interested," she said. "There's no benefit in leading her on."

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment. "What could I tell her I'm doing instead? She'd know I'm lying if I said I was visiting my sick mother or some of that bollocks Moony always—I mean—er—"

Suddenly Lily noticed James shaking his head very slightly at his friend, and again Lily rolled her eyes. "Honestly, do you two think I'm completely daft?" she asked. "I figured out what Remus was when I was thirteen."

The two boys simply blinked at her. "Oh," James said blankly. "Well then."

"But the point _is_," Lily pressed on, "that girls appreciate honesty. Don't let her think she has a chance when she doesn't."

James shifted uncomfortably next to her, and she felt a pang of guilt, wondering how many times she'd done the same thing to James when she felt that he was being particularly annoying. She wasn't even sure she'd ever properly apologised to him since they'd become friends. It was as though there was this tacit agreement that it was in the past and completely done with.

As the hours passed, it occurred to Lily just how strange it was to be spending the day with James and Sirius, something she was definitely not used to. Naturally she'd spent time with the duo in school, but it was completely different to do so outside of Hogwarts. Later in the afternoon they apparated to London to get an early dinner, and Sirius showed them a few of the apartments he'd been considering. Overall, she'd enjoyed herself.

By eight o'clock, Lily had announced she should head back to Dorcas, who she hadn't seen all day. James immediately jumped to walk her back, and Sirius bade the duo goodbye. (He even gave Lily a quick hug which surprised her a bit.)

They walked in silence until they were about halfway there. James was looking at her, and their eyes met as they walked, causing Lily to blush and smile.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked her, their pace almost painfully slow; however, neither of them wanted the trip to end.

She smiled, nodding. "Definitely got my mind off of things," she told him. "Thank you."

They stopped walking and James looked down at her, his eyes shining. He placed his hand on her cheek, and Lily's heart seemed to stop for the hundredth time that day. "Listen, Lily," he breathed, "I... I mean..."

His words, however, seemed to get lost and slowly he leaned in. _This is it_, she told herself. This was the moment she'd been beating herself up over, the moment she'd wanted so desperately but was afraid would happen simultaneously, the moment she didn't know what to think about when it came down to it. She didn't know, but maybe this... maybe this would be the answer to all of her questions.

But suddenly, everything went wrong, a sickening cold sensation pulsing through her body and she watched as the mist of their breath mixed together in the air, the streetlights all flickering and dying.

"James," she muttered, pulling away. "What—?"

But before he could answer there was a scream ringing out from far down the street, and she whipped around to see dark figures, tall dark hooded figures, and the figure of a girl she thought she recognised, even in the darkness.

And then she heard her own horrified voice call out into the blackness. "Dorcas!"


	7. Chapter Seven: Dementors

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Seven: Dementors**

**Notes: **Sorry for the cliffhanger last time, then the long wait. I'm really awful at keeping up to date on this story. Feel free to poke me from time to time..

* * *

"No..." Lily muttered, pulling away from James completely. Her head seemed to be spinning with confusion and fear. She wasn't sure what was happening but she knew it was completely wrong, and she was afraid for her friend and herself.

Quickly James grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him, and she felt herself instinctively clutching herself to him. "James," she breathed, "what's going on?"

"Dementors," he whispered, and Lily felt her heart stop. After all of the stories she'd heard from Snape, she couldn't help but feel terrified. Just the thought of them, the idea of tall hooded figures with scabbed, greying flesh and no face but a gaping hole for a mouth.. the image made her shiver. And to think they'd have to somehow brave them, to overcome the frightening images they'd instil in their brains to save Dorcas. But that was it—they _had_ to do it.

"We have to find Dorcas," she said, swallowing her fear, pulling away from James once again, drawing out her wand and igniting it by muttering, "_Lumos._"

The two made their ways quickly but carefully down the street. The cold, heavy feeling the Dementors brought was slowly dissipating. Lily hoped against hope that they had disappeared already, but something in her stomach told her things still weren't right.

"Dorcas?" James hissed, and the ray of light emitted from Lily's wand suddenly caught her figure. She and James rushed to her side.

"Dorcas!" Lily cried, taking her friend in her arms. "Oh my god, oh my god, are you okay?"

"Lily?" Dorcas asked wearily. "Lily, it's horrible, I can't..." Her eyes widened suddenly and she screamed, staring over Lily's shoulder. Lily whipped around, toppling backwards, her elbows colliding painfully with the pavement. Her wand fell from her hands and rolled down the street as she came face to face with a Dementor.

"_Expecto Patronum!"_ James shouted, and Lily stared as the Dementor quickly backed away. The shield quickly died out, and the Dementor instead went for James, who stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, his glasses slipping off his face.

"_Expecto—Expecto Patronum!_" Dorcas stammered, weakly pointing her own wand at the Dementor.

"Wand," Lily muttered suddenly, realising she needed to help the two of them. "Wand..." She quickly got to her knees, feeling the ground for her wand, desperately wanting to help as she heard James summon another shield.

Her hand ran across something sharp, and she quickly realised she'd found James's glasses, a massive crack across one of the lenses. She took them in her left hand, still blindly groping for her wand.

"_Expecto Patronum!"_ she heard Dorcas shout again, stronger this time, as Lily wrapped her fingers around her wand. She breathed a sigh of relief, turning and shouting the incantation to create her own shield.

She rushed to James, pressing his glasses into his palm.

"Thanks," he panted, sliding them onto his nose, the broken lens obscuring his left eye. "You okay?" he asked her, and she nodded faintly.

"Yeah," she muttered. Suddenly she gasped, another two Dementors appearing just behind James. He whipped around, conjuring a silvery shield to buy them time once again.

"There's more," she said frantically. "James, where are they coming from?"

"I'll bet anything Voldemort and his stupid Death Eaters have to do with this." He put his hand on her back, pushing her slightly. "Go help Dorcas, I can get these two."

Lily nodded, running to her best friend's side. Dorcas was holding her wand in front of her, a faint shield fending off a tall hooded figure.

Before Lily could even stop to think, three more Dementors appeared, and then she felt it; it was like all of the breath was suddenly sucked out of her lungs, and she stumbled, clutching her sides.

"_Expecto Patronum!"_ she heard weakly from beside her, Dorcas with her wand arm raised, the other hand holding her head. The Dementor pulled back, and Dorcas, helped Lily up. "You okay?" she asked her breathlessly.

Lily nodded, and she felt another body join them. "Are you two all right?" he asked, panting. Lily could hear the faint fear in his voice, and it was unsettling. Lily nodded, and she was fairly certain Dorcas nodded beside her as well.

Without another moment passing, several Dementors seemed to surround them; she suddenly felt the scene before her dissolve into darkness, still winded, gasping for air and putting her hands to her head.

"_I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!_"

It was Sev's voice; there was no doubt about it. It was Sev, and it was that horrible day just over a year before. She felt disoriented; she was sure that it had happened before, but she could hear his voice so clearly it felt as though it was happening at that exact moment, all over again.

"No..." she said, falling to her knees. She felt the rocks cut into them, but the pain didn't matter. Then—

"_I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—"_

And she heard her own voice echoing in her head, telling him how it was no good.

And she felt it. The sickening regret.

_I forgive you,_ she heard herself say in her head, but she knew that it was no good. _I know you didn't mean it, let's just forget..._

"_Stupid mudblood!"_

_No, no, no, _she wanted to say._ I know you don't mean it, Sev. Please..._

"Dorcas!" she heard someone yell faintly. James. That was James speaking. But he sounded like he was several metres away. Why did he sound so far away? "Can you get that one?"

She must have nodded, and she heard James mutter the incantation, sure that some of the Dementors must be leaving. She was feeling less weak, but still... echoing in her head...

"_And you're still just as naïve as ever if you actually think she means it!"_

Lily felt tears streaming down her face. "No, no, no..."

There was a scream, just like the scream she'd heard earlier, and Lily forced her eyes open. The blackness wasn't threatening to swallow her any longer, and she could just faintly see what was in front of her. She watched, horrified as Dorcas fell to her knees, her wand still out in front of her, trying her hardest to produce a Patronus. Only a small wisp of silvery light emitted from the tip of her wand. She slumped over, crumpling to the ground.

It was just what she needed to yank her out of the Dementors' effects, enough to bring her back to the real world for just a few moments.

"No," Lily breathed, pushing the memories invading her brain to the back of her mind, still hearing faint echoes of Snape's voice. Mustering up all of her strength she produced her own feeble shield for just a moment and she rushed clumsily to her friend's side. She shook her gently, hair falling out of Dorcas's braids, into her face. "Please wake up," Lily muttered. "Dorcas, please."

James too was falling forward, on his hands and knees, a Dementor closing in on him. Lily's heart was pounding in her chest; nothing could happen to James, she couldn't bare the idea. What if she never got the chance to tell him how she thought she might feel about him? What if she could never go on a date with him? What if she never found out what it was like to really hold his hand, not simply out of fear, or kiss him, like they'd been so close to just minutes before? What if, what if, what if..?

A sudden vision crossed her mind, picturing the scene as James kissed her passionately, maybe in a celebratory manner after a Quidditch game or after a long night in the common room, and her stomach gave a funny lurch. She needed for James to be all right, to find out what his lips felt like and how his skin smelled, to tell him that maybe she did care about him, after all, a lot more than she ever thought possible. Her heart felt suddenly warm and she concentrated on the very thought.

"Expecto Patronum!" she shouted, and something erupted from the tip of her wand. She felt her legs give out beneath her, watching tiredly as her Patronus galloped around the street, the Dementors fleeing immediately. As the Patronus returned to her, Lily gave it a funny look; it wasn't the stallion that had been hers since the year before whilst practising in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and she didn't know why it changed. She didn't even know that it _could_ change.

As the animal gracefully approached her, she realised that it was a doe, beautiful and shining. It was a gorgeous creature, but she couldn't fathom how or why it changed from its previous shape.

James seemed to notice the change as well, when he looked up from his position on all fours. He gave the creature a strange look and carefully stood up, making his way slowly over to Lily and Dorcas as the creature disappeared into thin air, the street lamps flickering back to life.

"Your Patronus," he panted, and Lily looked at him to notice how close he was, kneeling right in front of her, making her heart pound even faster. "It changed."

"Yeah," Lily whispered. His nose was about a centimetre away from hers, and she could feel his hot breath on her freezing cheeks. "Yeah, it did."

He hesitantly lifted his hand, brushing some of the hair out of Lily's face, and she shivered involuntarily. He ran his fingers through her hair and along the side of her face, resting at the back of her neck. "Lily..."

"James," she breathed, closing her eyes. "I—"

He leaned forward so that their cheeks were touching, and Lily could feel his hair tickling her nose. She leaned slightly into him, enjoying the feeling of his skin. "Go out with me," he whispered in her ear.

"I..." Lily's mind was racing, and it felt as though there was a war raging inside of her. She thought that maybe she wanted to, and yet something seemed to tug painfully inside her head, screaming that it was a horrible idea, that it was all wrong, and at last that something seemed to take over. "I can't."

"Why not?" he asked, pulling away slightly, his voice strange. Lily had heard him hurt before, but this was different, as though on an entirely new level. "Lily—"

"I can't!" she said more firmly, and James pulled away from her completely.

"What is it that you're so afraid of?" James asked her fiercely, and Lily felt suddenly angry by his reaction.

"Nothing, Potter," she told him flatly. "I just don't want—"

"You can't pretend you don't feel anything for me," he ploughed on.

"I'm not pretending anything!" Lily said.

James let out a small shout of frustration. "I can't believe you, sometimes! Why won't you just open up and let yourself feel for once?" he asked angrily. "Are you afraid that I'm going to hurt you like Snape, or your sister? I won't, you know. I've never cared about anyone like you, as much as you—"

"Just give it up!" she yelled. "I'm never going to feel anything for you, Potter."

He simply blinked, picking himself up off the ground. "Fine," he said coldly, and Lily felt a chill in her bones, similar to the icy feeling the Dementors gave her.

"James, I'm sorry," she said quickly, grabbing his hand. "I didn't mean it, I just—"

"No," James replied, just as coolly as before. "You've said all you need to." He took his hand from hers, turning and walking slowly back to his house up the street.

Lily stared after him. Something was aching inside her, telling her that she should be running after him, trying to set things right, telling him how she really felt about him. So why wasn't she?

She pulled her legs up to her chest, squeezing them tightly to her. She'd done the right thing, hadn't she? She and James would make an awful couple, they wouldn't last more than a few weeks, and things would never be able to go back to normal after that. It wouldn't be worth it, really; it would just ruin their friendship.

Which, she thought bitterly, she might have just done, anyway.

There was a small movement beside her, and she quickly shifted herself onto her knees, leaning over Dorcas, who was lifting herself up onto one of her elbows, her other hand rubbing her forehead.

"You okay?" Lily asked her weakly to her friend.

Dorcas nodded slowly, wincing as she did so. "Yeah... What—what happened to James?"

Lily sat back down on the pavement, biting her lip as Dorcas attempted sitting up. She once more stared off into the direction that James had disappeared not long before. Again, she had to remind herself she'd done the right thing; acting on any feelings she might have thought she felt would completely ruin their friendship, and simply put herself up for more hurt and disappointment. That was just something she would not let happen.

"Lily?" Dorcas pressed on.

Lily shook her head. "Let's get you back to your house, yeah?" she said, forcing a smile. Dorcas looked sceptical and Lily sighed. "I promise, I'll tell you everything when we're not sitting in the middle of the road."

Dorcas reluctantly agreed, allowing Lily to help her up, leaning on her as they both made their way to her house. When they arrived, Dorcas tapped her wand on the door as she'd done the night before, and the two made their way inside.

"Dorcas?" her mother called out from the kitchen. The older woman quickly came to the door, wiping her hands on her apron as she did so. "Oh Merlin!" she cried upon seeing the two girls. She rushed over to them, helping them back into the kitchen, where they both took seats at the table. "What on earth happened?" she asked, worriedly.

"Dementors," Dorcas said weakly, and her mother gasped.

"_Here?" _she asked. "But this is a primarily Muggle settlement!"

Dorcas nodded at her mother. "They were there, mum. A lot of them."

Her mother quickly summoned two bottles of butterbeer, placing each in front of one of the girls. "Drink these," she told them. "I need to go write an owl to Dumbledore. He'll want to know about this immediately."

"Thanks," Dorcas said in a tiny voice as her mother bustled out of the room, turning to look at Lily. She opened up her bottle of butterbeer, taking a sip. "Care to explain now?" she asked, still sounding rather weak.

"I think I mucked things up," Lily sighed, twisting off her bottle cap and running her thumb around the edges. "I have a tendency for it though, don't I?"

Dorcas exhaled sadly. "You know that's not true," she said. "At least, not completely."

"Things were going so well," Lily went on. "We went over to Potter's today, had some fun over in London. Then we came back here, and I—well, he—he..." Lily swallowed, suddenly deciding against telling Dorcas of the almost kiss. "The Dementors showed up, and I heard you scream... Then after you passed out, it was so strange... I managed a fully-fledged Patronus."

"That's amazing!" Dorcas told her. "That's well beyond N.E.W.T.-level magic, to think you achieved it during an actual attack—I mean, we were told that most can't—"

"That's not what was so strange," Lily said awkwardly. "It was... different."

"What do you mean?"

"My Patronus," Lily continued. "When we practised last year, when I got an actual form it was always a stallion. But today, it wasn't. It was a doe."

Dorcas stared at her, amazed. "Wow..."

"And Potter took it as—as some sort of _sign," _she said. "He was making comments like it meant something, like it's this great big deal—"

"Lily," Dorcas interrupted, "it _is_ a big deal."

"What?" Lily blinked, completely nonplussed.

"It's not something that happens often," Dorcas went on. "In fact, it's pretty rare for a Patronus to change. It usually takes a major event in your life, a great realisation of some kind."

"Well, nothing that important has happened," Lily said, still confused.

Dorcas shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Lily," she said delicately, "do you, perchance, know what James's Patronus is?"

Lily stared at her. "I haven't the foggiest," she shrugged.

Dorcas bit her lip. "It's a stag."

Lily said nothing, feeling her cheeks burn from the insinuation that she feared Dorcas was making.

"A common reason for a Patronus to change is when someone... er... well, when someone realises they have _deep feelings_ for another person," she said awkwardly. "Then your Patronus tends to match theirs."

"Look, Dorcas, I—"

"I'm not trying to say anything," Dorcas said quickly. "But that's obviously what James was thinking and—"

"Oh god." Lily buried her face in her hands, feeling sick to her stomach. "It's true."

Dorcas was silent as Lily ran her hands through her hair.

_She was right_. Hell, _he_ was right, too. They'd all been so right about how she felt, and she'd spent so long convincing herself otherwise, afraid of putting her heart on the line, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing another friend. She wasn't brave at all, just a terrified coward. Some Gryffindor she was.

How many chances had she had? At least a hundred over the past year, she figured. All the times since they'd become friends... the time she'd first noticed that the way he ruffled his hair when he was nervous was actually rather cute and endearing, the way he'd open doors for her and make her laugh no matter how upset she may be... the fact that the biggest fight they'd had was when James started dating Bethany Gilly, a Ravenclaw a year below them, how angry Lily would feel whenever she saw her and how perfect she was with her brown hair and freckles; she'd even refused to speak to James for the entire three weeks they'd dated, until he told her late one night that it simply "didn't feel right". She'd felt so immensely relieved and strangely hopeful when he told her. She had convinced herself that he was her _brother_, that she had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever; at least, that was what she'd wanted...

"Dorcas, you're right," Lily said miserably. "I fancy James."


	8. Chapter Eight: Attack on Diagon Alley

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Eight: Attack on Diagon Alley**

* * *

Dorcas looked sadly at her friend. "I know," she said softly.

"What have I done?" Lily asked. "I've messed it all up. I thought I was protecting our friendship, but... h'es never going to want to speak to me again. I've been so rotten to him, so blind to my feelings. I spent so much time convincing myself that everything I felt was merely platonic—"

"Lily," her friend said consolingly, "you can still fix things. Just... give him a bit of time to cool off, and you can still set everything right, the next time you see him."

Lily nodded. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I'll tell him everything, we'll fix it..."

Dorcas smiled gently at her. "Things will work out, Lily," she siad. "They usually do."

Again Lily nodded her agreement. "Yeah," she responded confidently. "They do. I mean, your mum has tea every week, yeah? So I'll see him again in just a few days!"

"Precisely," Dorcas agreed. "And you'll have time to think everything over, figure out exactly what you're going to say to him when he comes around again."

Lily smiled, feeling hopeful despite herself.

However, by the time the week had ended and Mrs. Meadowes had started welcoming guests, it became painfully obvious that her plan was not working. When Dorea Potter walked through the doors by herself, Lily felt her heart sink.

Dorcas gave her a sympathetic look, but Lily only shook her head. The entire evening she waiting until her chance finally came, when Mrs. Potter offered to grab some cookies from the kitchen, and Lily quickly followed her.

"Oh, hello, Lily!" she said, smiling at her. "Would you mind helping me carry these?"

"Of course Mrs. Potter," Lily responded. She paused. "Where's James tonight?"

"I tried to get him to come," she responded, handing Lily a tray of cookies. "But he flat out refused."

"Oh," Lily sighed.

Mrs. Potter looked critically at Lily. "You two didn't have a fight, did you?"

"Just a small row," she responded in a tiny voice.

Mrs. Potter frowned, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder. "I'm sure you two will figure things out."

Lily nodded solemnly.

However, the next week was met without James attending tea as well. A few mornings after, however, there was a rapping on Dorcas's window, and Lily reflexively jumped to her feet, recognising the sound of an owl's arrival. Her heart pounded as she slid across the floor in her socks, hoping that this, _this_ was the letter she'd been waiting for from James. She unlatched Dorcas's window, letting the owl enter.

Her heart sank as she took the letters from it, recognising the Hogwarts seal. She placed the letter addressed to Dorcas, who was groggily rubbing her eyes, on the bedside table. She quickly opened hers, placing the envelope beside the other.

She was assured it was all standard on the first page, quickly looking over her supply list. Nothing out of the ordinary, all standard...

"Lily," Dorcas said in an excited voice, causing Lily to jerk her head up in curiosity. She was holding Lily's envelope, looking inside. "I thought I saw something else in there," she said, handing it to the owner.

Lily took it from her, confused. Then, she understood.

"I'm Head Girl," she muttered. She quickly flipped back to the first page of her letter, eyes flying to the bottom for affirmation. "_I'm Head Girl_."

"_Oooh_, Lily!" Dorcas squealed, hugging her best friend. "I have to go Floo Alice! She'll be thrilled. And we've got to get to Diagon Alley, too!" Quickly, Dorcas shuffled out of the room, and down the stairs, leaving Lily in her room.

She turned the badge over in her fingers. Somehow, she thought she'd feel more excited; after all, she had wanted this since her First Year.

But she had nobody to tell. Dorcas was thrilled, and Alice would be as well, naturally. It was agreed she would return home the next night, but even then her parents were still so concerned with her sister, and nothing seemed so important, anyway, when her mother was so sick. The only person she wanted to share the news with was James, and he wouldn't speak to her.

She set the badge and the letter onto the table, and hid her head in her hands.

* * *

The next day, Lily found herself numbly preparing herself for Diagon Alley. It was already a week before September 1st, and Dorcas and Alice had agreed that it was necessary for them to meet immediately to collect their things for school.

Under normal circumstances, she would have rather enjoyed the day. However, the place seemed as bleak as she felt; a dozen stores were closed and boarded up, and she had a sick awareness that it had to do with the war. All the same, the day passed very quickly, as the three girls gathered their supplies (in addition to some things they didn't need). It was in the early evening as they passed Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, trying to agree on what to eat for dinner, that Alice grabbed Lily's arm.

"Lily," Alice hissed, and she looked at her friend, then followed her gaze to... _James._

Alice took Lily's hand, nodding at Dorcas, who quickly followed them to the ice cream parlour. Lily's heart was racing, now, not fully aware of what was happening, just following as Alice dragged her to the boy. She'd wanted so badly to speak to him, didn't she? Now that the moment had come, she couldn't really remember why, her mind completely blank.

"Hey boys," Alice chirped, approaching James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"Kirke," Black nodded.

"Looking to get some ice cream?" James asked, glancing at the queue spilling out of the door. "Looks like we just beat the rush, you lot might have a bit of a wait."

"Actually, Dorcas and I were just about to go look at quills," Alice smiled. Lily was vaguely amused—that was so Alice, to get right to her point, no time for small talk. "Black, Lupin, Pettigrew—care to join us?"

Remus and Peter nodded, muttering awkward agreements, quickly following Alice. However, Sirius stayed, as did Dorcas.

"_Padfoot_..." James murmured.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at his friend, then glanced at Lily. "Fine," he sighed, walking past her, Dorcas quickly squeezing her shoulder and running to catch up to the rest.

They simply looked at each other for an awkward moment until Lily redirected her attention to the laces of her trainers, mentally cursing herself for forgetting everything she'd been wanting to tell him. She heard him sigh, glancing back up as he looked away, running his hand through his hair.

"I... I'm sorry," she stammered.

James sighed again. "It's fine, Evans," he said. "I overreacted. I just... I guess I just needed to get it through my head that you really didn't feel the same."

"James..."

He shook his head. "Can we just go back to being friends again?"

_Friends_.

She remembered when a few years ago, the thought of being friends with James Potter seemed like one of the worst ideas on the planet. Yet again she felt that want to not be friends with him in the pit of her stomach, but it was different this time. Before, she hadn't even wanted to acknowledge his existence, thus making a friendship completely out of the question. But now... now, she'd finally come to grip with her feelings, and he didn't want any more of it.

"Yeah," she said, her voice getting caught in her throat. She swallowed hard, begging herself not to cry. "That sounds good."

He flashed her a famous grin, though their reunion was cut short by the sound of a massive explosion from down the street. The ground beneath them shook and they heard screams. Without a moment of thought, James pressed Lily to the ground; it was just in time, as rubble flew past them, a few pieces tearing into James's arms.

"Bloody hell," he panted, and he lifted himself up, off of Lily. "Are you okay, Evans?"

She nodded breathlessly, though she felt a horrible pain in the back of her head, and was certain that she had skinned both of her elbows in the fall. "What was that?" she asked.

James carefully kneeled behind one of the tables that had fallen, peering out behind it. People were running past them, adults whisking their kids away, other young children looking lost, some crying. Other older witches and wizards had their wands drawn and were seemingly running into the heat of the battle.

"Death Eaters," James muttered, and Lily swallowed. "There's not many of them, but... Merlin, we have to get out of here, Evans."

Lily nodded vigorously. "Wait!" she said suddenly, absent-mindedly. "Alice—Dorcas... I need to find them..."

"I'll go," he assured her. "I need to find Sirius, too, make sure he's okay. Just _stay here_." He picked himself up, ready to run into the open firing of spells.

"No," she said sternly, with confidence she was surprised she somehow managed to find, just as another, though smaller, explosion was heard just a few buildings down. "I need to say this now."

James looked at her, perplexed, kneeling beside her again.

"I'm sorry," she said, much more firmly than before.

"I know, Evans, it's fine, really—"

"It's not," she told him quickly, hardly taking in any air as she suddenly remembered every word she'd wanted to say. "I'm sorry that I wasted so much time, and confused you so much, so many times." Her heart was pounding now, her palms sweaty and her mouth dry; she just prayed that she was making sense, already aware of the incredibly rapid pace at which she was speaking, her words all running together. "The truth is, up until very recently, I've been rather confused as well. But I know that I'll regret it more than anything if something happens to one of us and I never tell you: I like you James. I like you in the way that ten year olds are afraid to use the word because they'll get teased and catch cooties and other stupid things. I really, really do like you, and I'm just so sorry that I've been too afraid and too confused and—and too much like a ten year old to admit it before."

James blinked at her, and Lily closed her eyes and hoped that what she'd said wasn't all in vain, that maybe what she'd said had really been the final straw, that he really had given her up—

No. At that moment, she felt his lips meet her temple, and she managed to forget, for just a moment, the chaos that was surrounding them.

"We'll be okay," he told her firmly, placing his hand under her chin and forcing her to look into his hazel eyes. "I promise. Now just stay here."

It wasn't what she'd wanted to hear exactly, but it wasn't a complete rejection either. She just nodded, and watched him run out into the street, feeling completely helpless, staring at her shoes, waiting for James and her friends to return to her.

Then, she heard a high-pitched scream. Her head jerked up just in time to watch a figure crumple in front of the building beside her. Her heart started racing, and, forgetting James's orders, she ran to the witch. She took the woman in her hands, only to see a slash across her chest, blood spilling from it.

"No..." she murmured, whipping out her wand, uttering all of the healing spells in her repertoire. "Come on," she breathed to the woman in between spells.

It wasn't working. _Nothing_ was working.

"No, no, _no!" _she cried under her breath. She placed her hands on the wound, trying to remember any Muggle methods instead, just trying to stop the bleeding. But as she took her wand in her right hand again, she found it slipping in the blood that simply wouldn't stop.

"Lily!" She heard James's voice, but she refused to even turn for a second. She _had_ to save this woman, she had to...

She suddenly felt hands grabbing at her, pulling her away from the body. "Lily," James said to her, more gently now. "Lily, we have to get out of here."

"No!" Lily cried. "I have to help her!"

Alice was kneeling beside her now, placing two fingers on the woman's wrist. She shook her head.

"No..." Lily muttered. "No, no, _no..."_

There was another man joining them now, an older man looking heart-broken as he took the lifeless woman in his arms.

"I'm so sorry," Lily said, tears falling down her own cheeks.

"You tried," Dorcas assured her. "But—"

"It's fine," the man said in a hollow voice. "I have her now. I have her..."

"I..." Lily mumbled.

The man shook his head, placing his hand on Lily's shoulder for just a second. "Get out of here—save yourselves. Aurors are coming, but you just need to get out of here." He turned his attention to James. "Some place safe—some place non-Magical."

Lily numbly stared at the two, faintly hearing the _pop_s and _crack_s of appearing Aurors just as he'd said, vaguely aware that James, still holding her, was nodding, and both Alice and Dorcas were moving to grip onto him, Dorcas holding her wand, preparing to apparate. And with a _pop, _the scene before them disappeared.


	9. Chapter Nine: Aftermath

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Nine: Aftermath**

* * *

"Where are we?" Alice asked a moment later, looking at the unfamiliar surroundings. "Is this—?"

"Lily's," Dorcas said softly. "That man said a Muggle settlement would be the safest, and this was all I could figure."

"Good thinking," James said.

Lily hardly registered the conversation they were having, or the familiar pavement that was beneath them. She didn't even care to tell them how unwise it was to apparate in the middle of the street, only able to stare at her still scarlet-covered hands.

"Come on," James whispered into her ear, arms still firmly around her, awkwardly helping her to her feet. He kept a grip on her as they walked to the front door, Dorcas and Alice on either side, their hands still on the wands they were hiding in their pockets, just on the chance that someone was following them. As they reached the porch, Alice tried the doorknob; surprisingly, it was unlocked.

"Lily?" The voice of her mother came from the kitchen, moving toward them. The moment she caught side of the four of them, she dropped the kitchen towel that had been in her hands. "Oh my god—"

Alice, Dorcas, and James shared a brief look.

"Alice and I can explain," Dorcas said. "James, will you take Lily upstairs...?"

James nodded, leading the girl to the stairs, hearing Alice's and Dorcas's voices as they quickly told Mrs. Evans about the events of the day.

"Which one's yours?" James asked her quietly, and Lily shakily pointed out her room. He took her to the bed, sitting her down, before walking out into the hall. For a moment she thought he was leaving her before he returned with a damp cloth and kneeled in front of her, gingerly rubbing at her hands, all of the dried blood quickly coming off of her palms, before gently dabbing the stained cloth at her bloody elbows. "That's better," he whispered.

"Is this what it's like?" she asked, barely audibly. "The war, I mean?"

James looked at her sadly, taking a seat next to on her bed. "I've only heard stories," he told her gently. "But from what I've heard, yes, this is very much what it's like."

"And you're not scared?" she asked him in a tiny voice.

He smiled weakly at her. "I'm terrified," he admitted.

"How can you not act like it?" she asked him. "People are dying. We _saw_ people die today, James! That woman, she... she died right in front of me..."

"And as the days go on, the names in the _Prophet's_ obituaries are going to get more and more familiar until it's our friends, our families..." James sighed. "One day it might even be us."

She took his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly. "I want to fight," she said shakily. "I don't want to let it get that far."

James paused for what felt like ages, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. It seemed as though he was contemplating telling her something, so unsure. "There's a rumour," he told her quietly, but she could hear the sobered excitement in his words. "Some say that Dumbledore has been assembling his own organisation to fight Voldemort. Bathilda told me a story about it once, though my mother told me it was all based on rumours and things I shouldn't believe." He paused again. "But I think it's true. I think he'd do it. I think he's just keeping it a secret until they're needed."

Lily hesitated. "That seems..."

"A little far-fetched, I know," James sighed, as though deep down he didn't believe it either. "But can't you see it, Lily? That's something so—so _Dumbledore_. He would fight Voldemort with all he's got, build his own army, but keep it quiet until the war is really started. I mean, look at what's happened so far—just small attacks and Azkaban break-outs. With Voldemort's plan... he's got to have more up his sleeve than this, and Dumbledore has to be anticipating that."

Lily remained silent, staring at her hands, turning it all over in her mind, again and again. The possibility was absolutely mind-boggling, and she hardly knew what to make of it...

Everything from the summer seemed to be replaying itself in her mind on fast forward. Returning home, her mother's revelation, her sister's wedding, the Dementors, her fight with James... And now the attack on Diagon Alley, some swift opening to the war, when they'd all come so close to dying.

"I really am sorry," she said softly, though her words weren't nearly as shaky any more, as though she was finally coming to grips with everything she'd seen. "For everything I've done. I've been completely stupid."

James leaned in, kissing her on the cheek, and Lily felt as though a balloon was swelling inside of her chest. "I was stupid for rushing you," he admitted, and suddenly she was filled with hope again, knowing that he did, in fact, still care about her. "I felt like I was training Seekers again, catching the Snitch. You were just barely out of my grasp and it was _killing_ me. I'd tried for so long and then finally you were right there and I still couldn't seem to keep a hold on you. I guess I should have just been more patient for that last little distance you had to go... but I can be."

"I'm sorry," she repeated. She adjusted her grip on his hand, and he moved his own so that their fingers laced perfectly together. "You... you should ask."

"What?" James asked, slightly confused.

"Ask," she said again, smiling weakly. "Ask me out. Just once more."

"You sure?" he asked, and she nodded. He sighed, smiling, adjusting himself on the bed so they were facing properly. "Go out with me, Evans?" he asked smoothly, the grin on his face audible in his voice.

"Yes, Potter," she laughed, and he held her closely to him for a brief moment.

"And it only took three and a half years," he shot at her playfully.

She giggled again. "So I assume you're not counting the Valentine you made for me in Second Year?"

He groaned. "Merlin, I tried so hard to forget about that."

"Why?" she asked. "I thought it was sweet. If you hadn't been such a prat about it later and said how you felt _sorry_ for me, in front of the entire Great Hall, I wouldn't have torn it up, thrown it in the fire, and hexed you."

"It sounds a lot worse when you say it like that," James said awkwardly. "I mean, I was _twelve_, and Sirius—"

Lily shook her head. "It always comes back to Black, doesn't it? I suppose you can blame him for your being such a prat since you asked me out the following Valentine's Day."

"Well," James said, "if he didn't always take the mickey out of me..."

Lily playfully swatted at his shoulder. "You jerk!" she laughed. "You just won't take responsibility for all the stupid things you've done."

"That's a lot to take responsibility for," James grinned, leaning close to her. "And am I allowed to take responsibility for all the amazingly fantastic things I've done?"

She smiled as he put his hand to her cheek, so cold against her skin. "And what would those be?" she asked in a tiny voice.

They were so close now she could feel his warm breath on her face, and she felt the same swelling excitement in her chest. "I can give you an example," he said softly.

"I think—I think I'd like that," she stammered, her throat feeling tight as the tips of their noses touched.

With that, the door to her bedroom swung open. Lily immediately pulled back, and James jumped to his feet. She turned around to see Dorcas, looking incredibly awkward, and Alice, trying to peer over Dorcas's shoulder, in the doorway.

"Er, should I have... knocked?" Dorcas asked sheepishly, biting her lip.

"No," Lily said quickly, feeling her heart still racing, desperately wondering if she and James would ever have the moment they had been so close to several times, now. "You're fine."

Dorcas nodded, still unsure. "Well," she sighed. "We talked to your mum and dad. They said we could spend the night, make you feel more comfortable, considering how rattled you were."

Alice nodded. "Assuming you don't mind, of course."

"Of course I don't mind," Lily said quickly. "I'd love that."

"Great, then," Alice smiled. "Mind if I owl my mum, then?"

"And if I call mine?" Dorcas added.

Lily nodded. "Of course, of course," she said. "I'll just... er, I'll walk you out, then, Potter?"

He grinned lopsidedly. "Sure," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets, following Lily and Dorcas out of the room and downstairs.

"Phone's in the kitchen," Lily told Dorcas, and she nodded, separating from the new couple.

They reached the door and stepped outside, Lily pulling the door behind them so it remained open just a crack to let herself back in, but giving them a small bit of privacy.

"So you're going to tell them?" James asked, smiling.

"Yeah," Lily responded. "And I assume you'll tell Black?"

"Naturally," he laughed. "He always told me he had a betting pool for when you'd finally say yes, so I'm sure he'll want to collect his winnings, assuming it's true."

She sighed. "Knowing Black, I wish I could say that I'd actually be surprised."

"Yeah, well, that's Padfoot for you," James grinned.

"So, er, we're going back in a week," she said awkwardly. "I was wondering if... if..."

"If I wanted to go on a date before then?" he responded smoothly.

"Er," she stammered. "Well, er, yeah."

"How about the 29th?" he suggested. "That's in just a few days, yeah? I can come over and we can go to Hogsmeade or something?"

"Yeah," Lily smiled. "Sounds good."

"I'll come by at eleven," he said. "We'll make a day of it."

"Fantastic," she responded.

"Lily?" she heard Dorcas call.

"Well, I er... I suppose I should go back inside, then." she said. "I'll see you next week."

"See you," he said, leaning in and kissing her quickly on the cheek again. Then he pulled out his wand, and with a crack like a whip he'd disapparated.


	10. Chapter Ten: Firsts

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter Ten: Firsts**

**Notes:** So a few of you have asked about when the diary comes into play. Well, like any Harry Potter novel, it takes a little bit for it to be introduced, I admit. And when I'm aiming for 30-something chapters.. However, it will be coming up within the next few chapters!

Also, you might want to read my other fic, '_when i think of you, i don't feel so alone_', a story of the boys Lily did and didn't kiss. There are a few references to parts of that story. However, you don't need to read it by any means. It just gives more details of the things Lily speaks of here. (:

* * *

"Are you excited?" Dorcas finally asked her, softly.

"About what?" Lily responded.

Dorcas smiled. "Your date, of course."

Lily laughed. A few days had passed, and Lily's date with James was in just under twelve hours. Dorcas had promised to come over before her big date, to help ease the final pre-date anxiety.

"Nervous is more like it," she sighed. "I mean.. god, what am I supposed to say to the boy? I hate going on dates when there are all those awkward silences I feel the need to fill..."

"Oh, it won't be a problem," Dorcas assured her. "Just talk about what you normally do. It's no different than when you'd go places with him before."

The two were laying in bed already, but Lily found herself unable to sleep. Her date the next day was all that she could think about.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," Lily replied, smiling.

"Honestly, I'd be more nervous about the whole kiss thing than what I'd say to him," Dorcas grinned.

"He's just another boy," Lily responded lightly.

"Yeah, but it's always different, and it's not like you've ever kissed him before."

Lily was silent.

"_Right?_" Dorcas pressed on.

"Can I tell you something I've never told anyone?" Lily asked, and Dorcas sat bolt up, as though she'd just been electrically shocked.

"Did you kiss James?" she hissed.

Lily sat up, too, shaking her head. "No," she told her. "Not quite..."

"'_Not_ _quite'?"_ Dorcas asked, raising her eyebrows. "Either you kissed him or you didn't!"

Lily sighed, knowing the explanation that was about to follow would be a long one. "I mean, other than a few recent close calls... There was once, and I... Well, do you remember last year when I dated Benjy Fenwick?"

Dorcas nodded thoughtfully. "Everyone thought you were perfect," she said, reminiscing. "But..." she paused, turning to Lily, as though trying to piece things together. "But nobody ever knew why you broke up. Even me and Alice never figured it out. Did it have to do with Potter?"

Lily bit her lip. "The whole reason I started dating Benjy was because of Potter. Well, no," she corrected herself, "that sounds awful. I liked Benjy, really. Cute, funny, smart... I mean, he's a Prefect, and in Slug Club, one of the top in our year. I'd been paired with him in a few Herbology lessons that year, and I guess he kinda took a liking to me."

Dorcas smiled. "How sweet," she said. "But I still don't get what this has to do with James."

"Well," Lily went on, "a week or two before, I found out Potter had been dating Bethany Gilly. And, to be honest, it really hurt me he didn't tell me. It was all this big secret, and I only found out because of a few gossiping Hufflepuff in the bathroom.

"Anyway, when Benjy asked me out after Herbology, I was so furious with Potter, and Benjy seemed nice, and I knew any other girl would kill to be on his arm, so... I agreed.

"We were on a date. Our first _real_ date. We'd patrolled together and had study dates together and all that, but the first time we went out of the castle. James and Bethany were there at the Three Broomsticks, too, and I guess I was starting to let it get to me because Benjy took me back to the castle. And then, he... he kissed me."

"I would say that's very sweet, if I didn't know this is where the two of you come to an end," Dorcas said slowly.

Lily smiled soberly. "It was all wrong. He liked me so much, and I just... I didn't know."

"You liked James," Dorcas said.

"I guess, maybe," Lily admitted. "Probably, actually."

"How does kissing James tie into this though?"

"After that, I was hiding between two of the greenhouses," she said. "It had started to snow, and I didn't know where to go where I could just be alone. James... he found me. He told me he broke up with Bethany, and I explained that I broke up with Benjy as well. I was crying, and he was being so sweet and comforting. And he said how he understood that I was upset and and confused and that... that I couldn't be held responsible for my actions."

"And the two of you kissed?" Dorcas asked incredulously.

Lily shook her head. "I couldn't," she said. "I think I kind of wanted to, but I just couldn't hurt him like that."

"But you don't know—"

"I knew that's what would happen," she assured Dorcas grimly. "We'd both just ended our relationships, and we were both hurting and confused and... and when the next day came and I wanted to pretend it never happened, because I still didn't know what the hell I was feeling, I knew it'd be too much. For both of us."

Dorcas nodded in understanding. "That was very wise of you, Lily," she said.

Lily let out a sigh, flopping back down. "I can't help but wonder..." she said frustratedly. "What if I had kissed him then? What if I saw the fireworks and all my questions about him were answered _then_? It would have saved so much trouble. It would have saved all the fights and all the hurt. It would have saved so much _time_."

"Does that really matter?" Dorcas asked, and Lily furrowed her brow, trying to understand her friend's meaning. "You're together _now_."

Lily's expression softened. "You're right," she sighed. "I'm with him now, and who would have ever thought... I think I'm actually happy. With _James Potter."_

"He's not the same boy from Fifth Year, torturing Snape by the lake after exams," Dorcas pointed out.

"No, I think he is," Lily objected. "I mean, I know he's grown up a bit, changed a few of his habits, but... he's not the only one."

* * *

It seemed to take Lily hours to fall asleep, and it felt as though she'd only been out for a few minutes when she had to get up once again. Dorcas helped her keep her head on straight while she got ready, frantically getting everything together, trying to make herself presentable for James (not that he would care, Dorcas reminded her, as he was still crazy about her).

The doorbell rang at last, and Lily stared at her friend nervously. She sighed, placing her hands on Lily's shoulders. "You'll be fine," she told her. "Now don't keep him waiting."

Lily nodded, and Dorcas dropped her hands to her side, smiling and disapparating.

Lily took a deep breath, descending the stairs as quickly and carefully as possible—she really didn't need to trip and hurt herself _now, _she told herself. Patting her hair and smoothing her shirt one last time, Lily opened the front door to find James, his hands behind his back.

"Hey Evans," he said familiarly.

"Hey," she responded breathlessly, angry at herself for the fact that she suddenly sounded a much higher pitch than usual.

"Can I come in?" he asked with a grin, and she quickly stepped back.

"Sorry," she mumbled, closing the door again behind him.

He simply smiled. "I brought you a present," he said, pulling out a bouquet of lavender roses from behind him.

"Oh _James_," she muttered, taking them from him. "They're beautiful..."

He grinned broadly at her. "I hoped you would like them," he said.

"My favourite colour," she told him, feeling herself blush. "I'll just—er... Just let me find a vase, all right?"

He nodded, following her into the kitchen, looking around as she cut the stems, filling a vase with water from the tap. "You have a lot of pictures," he told her.

She laughed. "My mum loves taking them," she said, arranging the flowers. She walked over beside him.

"I like this one," he said, pointing to one of a six-year-old Lily, wearing a green jumper and laying, laughing in a pile of autumn leaves. She blushed.

"I do too," she said.

They wandered into the living room, and James immediately moved to the mantel, just as Lily had done in his house. She followed him, their eyes moving in the same line, looking at all the photos.

Then, her eyes caught sight of an old photo—one from when she was twelve years old, on the last day of her first year of Hogwarts. She was standing with Sev, and both of them were smiling. It seemed like eons ago, so impossible that it had only been a few years before... At the time, she never would have thought how everything could have changed, how she could have lost her best friend...

Immediately Lily moved to the picture, pulling it out of its frame and tearing it in half with trembling hands. James moved beside her, taking her hand in his and squeezing it slightly. He was looking sadly at her, aware of the way that Snape still managed to hurt her, without even being physically there.

"Sorry," she said, looking back at him.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he told her. She nodded, dropping the torn and crumpled picture in the trash bin and taking a deep breath.

"Come on," James said. "Today is about you and me, and having a great time, yeah?"

She smiled at him. "Yeah," she nodded.

* * *

Hours later, after some shopping, quite a bit of chatting, and an early dinner with some butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, they apparated back to Lily's. Since the attack just days before on Diagon Alley, it seemed that many shops had taken to closing early, and many people had taken to leaving the village before the sun set. Lily couldn't blame them—she no longer felt so safe as it got later, either.

"I've had a wonderful time," James told her once they'd reached her doorstep, and she smiled.

"Care to come in?" she asked. "I hate to think of ending the day just yet."

He grinned, taking her hand once more. "I'd love to."

Reflexively she took him up to her bedroom, where she dropped her bag and took a seat on her bed, slipping off her trainers. She watched, smiling, as he took in his surroundings, gazing at her vanity, then her bookshelf, filled with novels and records.

"I like your collection," he commented, gesturing toward the shelf of music.

She laughed. "Thank you," she said. "You can pick something out, if you like."

He nodded, running his fingers along the titles before taking one from the shelf. He pulled it out of its sleeve, carefully placing it on the player. James gingerly dropped the needle, watching the record spin, hearing the groan as it was initially read. The music started toward the end of the first track and James held out his hand. Lily laughed.

"I don't dance," she said, shaking her head.

"'_Don't_'," he said. "That means you _can."_

"No," Lily corrected with a laugh. "I can't dance, either."

"Then that makes two of us," he grinned, taking her hand despite her refusals and pulling her to her feet. She laced her fingers together behind his neck, his hands on her waist. She smiled up at him for a moment before leaning her head against his chest, and he pulled her closer to him as the song changed. She felt his breath in her hair, closing her eyes and enjoying the gentle swaying motion of the two moving in time to the music.

"_Something in the way she moves_," she heard him sing along in a rough whisper, and she felt herself smiling even more broadly, "_attracts me like no other lover; something in the way she woos me..."_

"You know the Beatles?" she asked him.

He laughed. "Mum's a huge fan. Muggles or not, they are rather good."

She smiled, listening to his heart beating, and the words he was singing. He was a decent singer—by no means perfect, but he hit almost every note—but that somehow made it better. To simply be there with him, having him sing one of her favourite songs to her as they revolved slowly on the spot. This is what she'd always wanted, what no other boy had ever given her.

She looked up at him, feeling at that moment so incredibly overwhelmed with feelings for the boy she once thought she hated. He smiled down at her in return, kissing her forehead.

Her breathing seemed to stop as their dance slowed; she didn't even have a second to think before she was standing on her toes, her lips colliding with his in a moment of recklessness. For once, she didn't care if she got hurt—she was so happy with him at that minute. And that was what Dorcas had reminded her before, wasn't it? Wasted time didn't matter, as they had now...

She pulled back quickly, her heart pounding, her eyes still closed, simply trying to savour the moment.

Suddenly his lips had returned to hers, and she felt her breath catch in her chest again. He was pulling her closer to him again, and she'd moved her hands—one to his chest, feeling his heart pound beneath her palm, the other tangled in his hair, pulling his face more desperately toward hers.

The record continued to play, though the song had changed long before. But she didn't care, not even sure what song it was and despite the number of times she'd listened to the album, she couldn't even remember what it was if she'd wanted to.

_This_, she told herself, _this_ was the kiss she'd been waiting for. She felt everything she thought should be in a kiss: it was sweet and innocent, yet so fiery and passionate, kissing each other hungrily as they'd each been waiting so long for that moment. It felt as though she'd been hit with a jelly-legs jinx, and she couldn't tell if her heart was working so fast she couldn't feel it anymore, or if it had just stopped. It felt as though she couldn't breathe, but she didn't need to as long as James was with her.

She felt as the backs of her legs collided with the edge of her vanity. She semi-consciously felt herself sliding onto it, glad to no longer be afraid that her knees would collapse right beneath her.

Nothing made sense anymore, but Lily didn't care. She had no sense of time, no awareness as to what was going on in the world surrounding her. The only thing that seemed to make sense anymore was James, there with her.

She only wished, as she heard it, the cough she'd heard from her doorframe had made sense. At least, she wished it had made as much sense as her name did, just a moment later.

"_Lily!_"


	11. Chapter Eleven: Platform 9 34

**The Seer's Diary  
****Chapter Eleven: Platform 9¾**

* * *

"_Lily!_"

It was her father's voice—there was no mistaking it. And the moment she pulled back violently from James (who she gathered also had no idea that her father had appeared at the door), she wished, for once, that it had even been Tuney instead. _Anyone_ else...

Lily jumped to her feet beside James, feeling her cheeks burn with colour. She was staring at her father with wide eyes, her heart still pounding fiercely.

"To whom do I owe the pleasure?" Mr. Evans asked, and instantly Lily could tell that he was not asking out of politeness. She swallowed hard, opening her mouth and closing it like a goldfish as her father looked from James to her, and back to James again. No matter how hard he tried, words would not come out.

"James Potter," James finally said, holding his hand out, though Mr. Evans did not take it.

"Hm," he said, staring him up and down. James's still extended hand jumped to his hair, running through it and messing it up even more. Lily's only desperate thought was that, at least in doing that, her father might not think she'd done _all_ the messing up of his hair.

"He's the one that brought me home with Dorcas and Alice the other night," she finally managed to say, her voice sounding so tiny and distant, as though it wasn't really coming from her, but somewhere else.

"Did he?" he asked, still watching James disapprovingly.

"Honey, what's going—oh!" Her mother had appeared at the doorway, smiling warmly at James. "Hello, dear," she said. "Lily, I didn't know you were having company."

"I—I..." Lily stammered, unsure of what to say.

"C'mon, love," Mrs. Evans quickly said to her husband, taking a hold of his arm. "Let's leave them be."

Lily heard her father grumble a reluctant agreement as his wife tugged him out of the door. Two seconds later, he reappeared at the door, pointing his finger at James. "You two better keep this door open."

The two of them just stood there for several minutes, even after her parents had left. Finally, it was James that broke the silence. "Well," he said, half-laughing, "that was..."

"I'm so sorry!" Lily gushed, staring up at him, her cheeks still red.

James laughed, pulling her into a hug. "It's fine," he told her, kissing the top of her head. "I think your dad hates me, though."

"Yeah..." Lily sighed, closing her eyes.

James pulled away from her, holding her shoulders at arms' length, laughing again. "I'm pretty sure that's when you're supposed to say that he doesn't _hate _me and he's just being overprotective."

Lily smiled. "Oh, sorry. Well... yeah, that probably sounds more right than him _hating_ you. I just... I mean, he's never actually met a boyfriend of mine, he's not used to it."

"Boyfriend?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is that what I am, now?"

Lily's eyes widened again. "Oh, I mean—I just assumed—oh god—you probably never want to see me again—I'm so sorry—"

James leaned down, kissing her chastely on the lips. "I was _kidding_," he told her, half-grinning. "I would very much like to think of myself as your boyfriend, now."

Lily buried her face into his chest, holding him tightly. "And you know what that means, right?"

"What?" James asked, stroking her hair.

"Well, if you're my boyfriend, I'd have to be your girlfriend."

"Ah, that's right," James said, and just by his tone she could tell he was grinning broadly, making her smile in turn. "Well, would you be okay with that?"

She looked up at him. "I think I'd very much like that, as well."

"Great," he said. "Then it's settled."

"Great," she giggled.

* * *

It seemed as though the next few days couldn't pass quickly enough. Lily mostly took to her room, having a silent battle with her father about his encounter with James and still trying to keep out of sight when Petunia occasionally stopped by.

But at last, she found herself saying goodbye to her parents as they dropped her off at King's Cross to begin her final year. She waved goodbye as she watched their car pull off; already she was starting her year with disappointment as they headed to her mother's doctor, unable to see her off on the platform. She sighed, angry at herself for thinking so selfishly.

She smiled, however, the moment she crossed through the barrier. After all, now she was going home. Now she would be seeing Dorcas and Alice... and James...

She headed toward the front of the train, her Head Girl badge pinned to the front of her blouse for the time being. She was hoping to drop her bags off, then begin her search for her friends, so that she might be able to join them later during the journey.

"Hey," came a voice from behind her, and she turned.

"James!" she smiled, flinging her arms around him. "Were you looking for me?"

"Partially," he grinned.

"Partially?" she asked. "Why else would you be up here?"

He tilted his head to the side. "Nobody told you?"

She stared at him curiously, then shook her head.

He smiled sheepishly. "I've been named Head Boy."

Again she flung her arms around him. "Ohh, that's great!"

He laughed nervously as he pulled away from her. "Really?" he said. "I thought you'd be a bit upset."

"Upset?" she asked, her face falling. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, I figured you'd rather it be someone more like Remus. You know, someone more... responsible."

She laughed. "I'd much rather spend my days with you," she told him softly, kissing him.

He smiled down at her. "That's good to hear," he responded. "Come on, now, let's get your trunk put away. This one good?" he asked, nodding his head toward the compartment to their left.

She nodded, and the two hoisted their trunks onto the rack, taking a seat inside.

"Sirius said he'll let me know when he finds Dorcas and Alice," he told her, and she nodded, sitting beside the window. He took the seat right beside her, slipping his arm around her waist. She smiled, resting her head against his shoulder.

However, their peacefulness was short-lived. As the train began moving, they had their usual Prefects' meeting. They worked on patrol assignments for each pair of them, to walk along the train at different specified times. They scheduled their first monthly meeting for the weekend, quickly deciding on a few more experienced students to handle duties until then, Lily and James included.

Before Lily knew it, it was already starting to get late; luckily she'd gotten some snacks off the trolly to tide herself over until the feast, but it finally occurred to her that they still hadn't found Dorcas, Sirius, and the others.

"I completely forgot," she sighed to James, but he simply smiled at her, kissing her quickly.

"Don't worry," he said, pulling out a tiny mirror from his pocket. She stared curiously at it. "I can't think of the Muggle name for something like this. Those things like telephones you talk into, and it goes to another one of the same? Well, Padfoot's got the other one of these." He looked down at the mirror. "_Sirius," _he said to it.

A moment later, Lily heard his voice. "Hey Prongs," he said, and Lily looked amazed at the mirror, seeing Sirius's face.

"We're finished here," James said to him. "Where are you all sitting?"

"Toward to back," Sirius responded. "Last car."

"Fantastic," James responded. "We'll be there in a bit."

He put the mirror back into his pocket, turning back to Lily.

"That's pretty cool," she said to him, smiling widely.

"Wait until you see what else we have up our sleeves," he whispered to her, kissing her.

At first, he pulled back, until Lily placed her hand on the back of his neck, drawing him to her again. She felt his lips smile against hers as she started to kiss him again.

She wished all of her days could be like this. So calm, so carefree, so happy, and all with him. But she was getting ahead of herself, she remembered.

At last they parted, and he offered his hand out to her as he stood up, and she took it graciously. Her fingers seemed to fit so perfectly in his, as they walked the length of the train, their robes tucked into James's rucksack.

They were nearly there when the realisation hit. "Oh, bollocks.." she muttered, withdrawing her hand and patting her pockets.

"What is it?" James asked, looking concerned.

Lily shook her head. "I didn't put my wand in your bag, did I?" she asked hopefully.

James quickly peeked into the bag, shifting the contents around. He shook his head.

"Damn," Lily mumbled. "I must have left it on the seat."

"Want me to come with you to get it?" he inquired, but she shook her head.

"I'll be right back in a minute," she told him, swiftly leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Promise."

And with a wave, he disappeared into the next car, and Lily turned on her foot, slowly making her way back to their compartment.

Her wand was there, sitting on the seat, in plain sight. She sighed, shaking her head at herself. She took a deep breath, snatching up her wand, eager to make her way back to James, to finally see Alice and Dorcas and the others.

She was in the second to last car when a person caught her attention, bent forward toward the floor, as though looking for something. At first, it didn't register in her mind who it was.

When she realised, she stopped suddenly, causing the person in front of her to look up, then straighten himself completely.

"Snape," she said shortly.

"Lily," he responded in return. "So where's Potter? Shouldn't you be following him around, lost, hopeless, and confused? I hear you're his newest lapdog, now."

"I hear that you're Voldemort's," she responded coldly, and he looked away. "Tell me, is it true what they say about how much the Dark Mark hurts when he calls you?"

"I wouldn't know," he spat.

She laughed. "Really? Isn't that your _dream_, to be let in as a little Death Eater?" He was silent. "_Oooh_, I get it! They won't let you in!" She let out a small laugh. "Huh, even Lord Voldemort has standards."

"Better than you," Snape shot back at her.

Lily nodded. "You're right," she replied venomously. "It took me _years_ to realise I was too good for you. I guess Voldemort knew it right from the start." She pushed past him, only for it to feel as though her legs had been tied together at the ankles with an invisible rope once she passed the compartment he'd been standing in front of. She stumbled, skinning her knee but catching herself before her face managed to hit the floor. She shut her eyes tightly for a moment, trying to stay calm.

"Very classy," she said, pulling her legs beneath her and glaring at him, his wand still drawn out and pointed at her.

"You don't even understand—"

"And neither do you!" she shouted. She felt the curse lift, shakily pulling herself to her feet again, seeing the blood spotting through her jeans. Several people were poking their heads out of nearby compartments now, trying to see the source of commotion.

"I won't fight you," she said vehemently.

"But that's not going to stop me." She turned, seeing that Sirius had appeared right behind her. He stepped in front of her, his wand pointed at Snape, a look of utter disgust on his face. "You want to have it out with someone, Snivelly, then let it be me."

"Going to sick the_ dogs _on me now, are you?" Snape asked Lily in a sarcastically fearful voice; she noticed Sirius stiffen at the remark, and she wondered what meaning was buried in it.

"You should know better than to attack a lady," Sirius barked at him. "_Obviously_ you need to be taught some manners!"

"Don't," Lily said in a tiny voice, grabbing Sirius's arm. People were flooding the corridor now, and Lily was starting to feel sick to her stomach from the entire ordeal.

He glanced down at her, his face softening when he saw the hurt in her eyes. He nodded, stuffing his wand in his pocket.

"You got off easy, Snivellus," Sirius spat. "But believe me: next time, when Evans isn't here, you won't be so lucky."

They turned from him. He put his arm tightly around Lily, directing her toward the compartment with the others.

"I've said before that I don't _need_ that filthy little mudblood!"

Sirius whipped around, his wand out again, but Lily covered his hand with hers, lowering the wand.

"No, don't hurt him," she told him. She turned to Snape, though she continued directing her words at Sirius. "I feel sorry enough for him that he can't see, even now, that he _does_ need me."


	12. Chapter Twelve: Thestrals

**The Seer's Diary  
Chapter 12: Thestrals**

Snape gawked at her, but she turned again, taking Sirius's arm and walking away. She pushed past everyone that had gathered in the corridor, until at last they'd made it to the next car.

They stopped. "Are you okay, love?" he asked her.

She nodded, biting back tears. "He's just a stupid git anyway," she sniffed. "Next time I'll let you hex him."

Sirius smiled broadly. "That's my girl," he said. "Or, well, Prongs's girl, technically."

She giggled half-heartedly.

"Padfoot?" Remus stuck his head out of a nearby compartment. "What—Lily?"

Dorcas squeezed by Remus, gaping. "What happened to your knee?" she asked.

James was out of the compartment next, quickly at Lily's side. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead. "Are you okay, Lily?"

"That good-for-nothing slimeball hexed her," Sirius told James.

"WHAT?" he shouted, causing Lily to jump. "I swear to Merlin—"

"It's fine," Lily said. "I wasn't exactly undeserving."

"Lily..." Dorcas said softly. "I'm sure that's not true..."

"No, I mean it." Lily shook her head. "Black only heard half the things I said and I'm sure he'll agree it wasn't pretty."

"Actually," Sirius said, "I was very proud of the things you said, so I don't think—"

"That statement pretty much speaks for itself," Peter offered, now joining them in the corridor.

Lily and Dorcas laughed, but Sirius pouted. "That's not fair!"

"Come on," Remus said, also smiling. "Let's not block the hallway, yeah?"

Lily nodded, feeling James slip his arm around her, leaning into him as they walked.

She took a seat near the window, James kneeling down in front of her. Gingerly, he rolled up her pant leg, revealing a nasty cut on her knee.

"Here," Dorcas said, kneeling beside James. She pulled out her wand, waving it over her knee. Instantly the cut closed up, leaving only a tiny pink sliver.

James leaned in, kissing the newly healed skin.

"Ignore the girl with the wand, here," Dorcas smiled, "it was really that kiss that healed you."

Lily laughed, unrolling her pant leg. "But of course."

"Not to ruin the sickeningly sweet moment here," Remus said, "but I do believe we should be changing into our robes."

"If we must," James sighed, pulling his and Lily's from his bag. She took hers from him, pulling them over her head, pinning the Head Girl badge to her chest. She watched as James pinned his own to his chest.

She had to admit, she rather liked this newly found family she had; she felt safer and she felt in place, like she belonged not only with them, but _to_ them, and they belonged to her.

She watched as the four boys chatted animatedly and played exploding snap, Dorcas sitting quietly across from her with a book in hand. And for the hundredth time, she assured herself that she could easily get used to this.

However, the light outside quickly disappeared, as did all true signs of civilization. And while she knew that hours had passed, it seemed as though she'd only just taken her seat when James glanced at his watch and announced that the two of them had to get back to the front of the train to oversee everything.

"We'll see you guys on the platform," Dorcas said with a smile.

Sirius nodded. "We'll wait for you."

"Thanks, mate," James smiled, taking Lily's hand.

It was only a quarter of an hour before the train pulled to a stop. The doors opened, and as the students filed out, Lily and James made one final check on the train, to make sure nobody and nothing was left behind.

Finally they were off the train, and easily found the others waiting for them near the path for the carriages. There was only one remaining, the other students already having left for the castle. They began walking to the carriage, when suddenly Lily realised something had changed.

She gasped, taking a step back, running right into James. As he stopped, Peter and Sirius both collided into him.

"Lily?" Dorcas asked, standing beside her. "What's wrong?"

"You don't see it?" she asked her friend, staring at her confusedly. "But—"

"You guys go on, we'll be in there in just a minute," James told them, and they nodded, Dorcas still looking at her friend, concerned. They left the door of the carriage still open for them.

James walked up to the beast that was in front of the carriage, a creature which Lily had never noticed before. It was so strange, she was so certain that the carriages were horseless, pulled by invisible magic, yet now there was something standing there, waiting to pull them up the path to Hogwarts. And even though Dorcas couldn't see it, James did, and he stood there, patting its snout. And suddenly, Lily understood.

"Thestrals," she muttered under her breath.

James continued to pet the beast as Lily approached them both. "My guess is you can see them because of that woman in Diagon Alley..."

Lily's breath caught for a moment, and she nodded, putting her hand out, letting the creature sniff her hand. She watched as it leaned into James's touch, then hesitantly placed her hand on the other side of its face.

"They're beautiful," James sighed. "I hate that they're associated with such a terrible thing, when they're such amazing creatures..."

Lily nodded. "Who was it that you saw?" she asked quietly.

James didn't have to ask her what she meant. "My grandfather," he said. "I was pretty young, and he was very old. I don't remember it, really, but I remember being in his room and it all being okay, and then... he was just gone. And my grandmother was crying, and so was my mum..."

"Have you always been able to see them, then?" she asked.

He nodded. "Sirius thought I was mental. Thought he became friends with the wrong bloke." He smiled at the memory. "He's been able to see them for a about a year, though, since his Uncle Alphard passed away."

Lily nodded. "I'm sorry," she said.

He smiled at her. "You know you apologise too much, right?"

"I know," she sighed, laughing. "I'm—"

"Sorry?" he asked teasingly. "I never would have guessed!"

Lily playfully smacked James's arm. He smiled, kissing her forehead and taking her hand. "Come on," he whispered,pulling her back into the carriage.

"Everything all right?" Alice asked as the couple climbed in.

Lily nodded. "Just fine," she told them, forcing a smile and squeezing James's hand slightly.

They were the last carriage to pull up to the front of the school, long after the rest of the students. They hurried up the steps and through the large doors into the Great Hall, the smell of food happily meeting their nostrils, and Lily noted that they'd missed the Sorting. She turned to say something about it to Dorcas, who shrugged, and the six friends took seats at the back end of the table. The redhead was just about to help herself to some shephard's pie, when Dorcas, who was on her right, poked her in the ribs, and nodded up at the table.

"Look beside Flitwick," she mumbled.

Lily turned to the Head Table, scanning the faces until her eyes fell upon their Charms professor. To the left was McGonagall, in her usual emerald green robes. Lily's eyes narrowed, looking instead to the tiny man's other side and—_oh_.

The woman looked very young—in Lily's opinion, almost too young to be a professor. But, she reasoned with herself, everyone has to start somewhere. Her brown hair fell past her shoulders in waves and slight curls, her face pale but rather beautiful.

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all staring at the young witch, now, as well. Lily knew that they all had a silent understanding—despite missing the Sorting and Dumbledore's speech, there was no doubt in any of their minds that this woman was their newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

Sirius was staring at her with raised eyebrows, mouth slightly agape. "_Damn_," he muttered under his breath.

"Wonder what her name is," Dorcas mused.

Peter shrugged. "We'll find out soon enough, won't we?"

"Let's just hope she's not as awful as some of those we've had in the past," Lily sighed.

* * *

A few hours later, Lily and James found themselves striding down the empty hallways, the first night of duties to be covered by the newly named Head Boy and Girl.

They were quiet, and Lily furiously sought for something to say. She argued with herself that the silence was far from awkward, simply comfortable instead, but she still felt the need to be saying _something_.

And then the thought struck her and she bit her lip. It was something she'd had on her mind recently, since they had started dating, and she concluded she might as well mention it.

"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," Lily said softly. They'd made it through the castle already, keeping their eyes open for any problems or wandering, trouble-making students, but found none.

"It's all going to sound so stupid, but now that I've started talking, I really just can't stop myself," she said quickly. "But, well, I'm glad you never listened to me all those times I told you to leave me alone. And I'm really glad you never gave up on me."

James grinned at her, sweeping in for a chaste kiss on the lips. "And I'm glad you finally gave me a chance."

"Yes, well," Lily sighed, wringing her hands, "I probably should have a long time ago."

"Nah," James said dismissively, waving one of his own hands. "I reckon we got together right when we were supposed to."

Lily laughed. "Just don't start talking about 'destiny' and 'fate', Potter, because those are pretty big words."

James smiled even wider. "Ha ha," he said sarcastically. "You and I both know that's all rubbish. No matter what claims I make about a divine hand playing a part in us being together, Divination and Seers and all that? It's garbage."

"I don't know," Lily said, "the centaurs—"

"The _centaurs_," James cut in, "aren't crackpots who believe that a dog in your tea leaves means you're going to die. You didn't have to sit through two years of _insane_ theories—you decided to be _smart_ and take Arithmancy."

Lily smiled, leaning against the wall behind them, and sweeping her hair over her shoulders. "Okay," she told him. "You're right."

James laughed, resting his hand on the cool bricks beside her and leaning in. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Merlin, I love it when you say that."

"Don't get used to it," she muttered.

"And you've been telling me those very words for a year now," James said, leaning in closer to her.

"Are you ever going to get tired of proving me wrong?" she asked under her breath, forcing herself to keep staring into his eyes, even as his tongue darted across his bottom lip. She swallowed hard, trying to remain calm.

"Never," he promised. And with that, he crossed the remaining centimetres between them, covering her mouth with his.


End file.
